The other day a good friend of mine surprised me. I was reading or probably staring into oblivion and someone back-hugged me and it truly made my day. You know the kind that you thought only happens in K-dramas. Now before any of my avid readers squeal with glee, it's not what you think. Prayers pa more for me to ever publish THE ONE here. That blog already has a draft and a working title of TOTGA: The One That God Allowed. Not today though, not today.
Going back to the other day. I usually don't like surprises. That's why in any given establishment, I always have to face the door. Specially if I'm with my siblings or lady friends. I am always alert. If there is any danger coming toward, like water about to be spilled, I will be the first to guard and shield you from it.
You will only see me seated with my back to the door if: 1. I am with my father. 2. I am with a male relative or friend that I trust my life with. 3. I am with that person that God allowed.
It can be tiresome at times. To be both woman and man in a world that requires it. We live in a world where some fathers are abroad leaving their wives and children fatherless and needing to grow up and fend for themselves. If you never experienced this, good for you. Thank God for having that solid male presence in your life growing up.
However, the realization that women are privileged enough to receive hugs and reciprocate is something that we women should relish in. It is something that not even men can have. I mean you hardly see a man hug or touch a fellow man. Specially in our society that manning up is so well praised.
Yet I do admire men who are expressive, who let people in. Men who unlike most, do welcome correction and guidance. Specially when you see how they are towards their mothers and sisters. Who are gentle with children and babies. I do notice these things and I do take note. How you are to the women in your nuclear family will be how you are to me and those important to me.
I do also admire men who are cautious and mindful of their actions and are clear with their intentions. Who know when to extend a gentlemanly gesture and when to hold back to protect myself or a friend. Now don't get me wrong, I come from a family of huggers. We are very Western that way. I find holding hands and a quick or tight long hug with family and close friends a norm.
I do however try to keep this warmth to fellow ladies as it may give other people the wrong message. Specially men. I remember an instance when a guy from church confessed that he liked me and that he thought I liked him too.
When I asked why, he said because every Sunday or every fellowship I would smile at him and at times tap his shoulder ever so quickly to give him his share of snacks. Which shocked me. I am an usher and Kids Church teacher so we always have this motto, give your best smile. Keep your energy up. Whatever it takes.
Being warm is a good thing. Yet it can also very easily, get so misconstrued. Several Sundays after that shocking revelation, I would control my smile and my good friend Neil approaches me, and says "Huy Res, are you okay? Why are you frowning? There are church attendees coming in, best smile diba?" and I quickly told him the matter at hand in a hushed and muttered breath that he needed to cover me so I can smile and not make that guy fall even further. Though here's the thing. It takes 2 to tango. Men need to protect women. Women need to protect men.
To be honest, not being able to smile killed me inside. Dramatic I know. Yet not giving my brightest smile, is just not me. I always faced life with a smile. I always smiled. I smiled even if my life was falling apart. I smiled even if it was only God and my closest siblings in Christ that knew I was truly devastated.
Oh daughter of Eve, don't ever be afraid to smile. Don't ever be afraid to show warmth. Don't ever be afraid to shed a tear because that is how God made you to be. Let the right people in. The right ones will know how to keep you smiling, or how to bring it back. The right ones will know when it's also not genuine. The right ones will know how to cry with you. The right ones will cheer you on and will know how best to let you grow to become the woman He has called you to be.
"You are altogether beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you."
Song of Solomon 4:7
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