Sorry but I Don't Do Coffee Anymore

I never thought I'd live a life where I would ever not be coffee dependent.  You see, If you've known me for quite some time, you'd know I live for coffee. My usual headaches come from not having my daily dose of coffee. A month clear of coffee. Wew!

I don't know. There's something about it. The quietness of having a cup of coffee by myself or the company, good conversations and sometimes the comfortable silence that comes along with drinking coffee with a good friend.

It's true what they say that it takes more or less 21 days to kick a habit and by far, this is probably the only habit I've kicked.

I'm not going to say it wasn't hard. Specially when you smell the brew coming from the person beside you, it's so tempting. I won't say I don't feel like grabbing a cup for myself; but truly the benefits have surely outweighed my choice to distance myself from it.

The past few weeks, I have had no migraines, no heart stopping mimics of what I'd think was a mini heart attack (but was actually acid reflux) and lesser anxiety. I've also lost 6kilos since I decided to stop drinking coffee.

If my memory serves me right, the last one I had was before the wedding that I attended that culminated in my accident. Perhaps knowing that I needed more calcium than caffeine to strengthen my bones, helped me wean myself from it.

So I apologize if I have to decline your coffee invites from now on. I guess we'll just have to check if they have milk, tea, a blueberry cheesecake or a white-cheese brownie for me.

Here's to a year full of breaking habits that will benefit us all in the end! We all know there are some things we can do away with anyway. Learn to let go of them.

For everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

5 Years Later.. A Valentines Letter

Dear You,

I don't know where to start. Maybe by apologizing? For stopping the letters. I realized that it's been 5 years exactly since the last letter. As to why I stopped writing to you, I don't really know? It's mind-boggling really since I can't put my finger to an exact reason.

Perhaps I got too busy? Perhaps life got in the way. Or perhaps though I would not like to admit it, I got tired. Exhausted may even be the right word.

The past years that I've stopped writing, I learned a lot about myself and God. 

Where do I begin? Maybe in the first year I stopped writing.

In 2015, Things went by in a blur.  A good blur though. I finally got to be me. To go after things I prayed for in years. I finally practiced what I studied painstakingly in college for. I stepped foot in the Land of the Rising Sun. Something that I thought was a shelved dream in college, yet when God has His hands on it, it will be swift. Not completely trouble-free but in most parts, everything will be smooth.

This was the year that God enabled me to explore and get lost; but a good kind of lost since it was during these times that I found myself. Met a lot of interesting people. From all walks of life, ages, cultural backrounds even different faiths or lack of. From Atheists, Agnostic, Buddhist, Shinto, Jews. This opened my eyes and my heart. My heart became bigger. I prayed harder for people. I understood God's bigger picture. I understood more clearly what the gospel John meant.

In 2016, I got mugged and 2 weeks right after, I lost my grandfather in the Philippines. Being away from all loved ones and keeping things to myself so as to not worry my family back home. Handling these 2 life-altering events alone, made me pray harder for you. This was probably the time that I prayed for you when I woke up and when I went to sleep. I realized that in all the good things I experienced, all the good food I ate, but mostly in the most terrifying and saddest events in my life, I wanted to have someone to share it all with. I uttered a silent prayer that as much as God has kept me safe and healthy away from home, that He shielded you and your loved ones from all harm and illness too.

I went home that year and a good friend of mine prayed for you. In tears she said "Lord, I pray for Ressa's husband. That You will bring to her the man that she will share life's joys and burdens with." That prayer stuck to me and I realized that even as I lived my life as a content single young professional, God has touched the hearts of people around me to pray not only for me but you.

In 2017, I made up for lost time with family and adjusted to making my home into home again. 

In 2018, This was the most painful year by far. So much was happening internally. Many of which, only God knew about. This was a year of surrender in many areas of my life.

2019, I started it with a week-long flu, and on the day of my last antibiotic, I broke my leg. Both bones into 3. 24 stitches and a plate. Yet my heart is so full. My leg is of steel but my heart is still. So hopeful. So excited for what God has in store. It's been a few months in, and God has taught me so much about His Sovereignty and love. I've learned to communicate better and being okay with being helpless so that others can help and care for  me. This is the year that it's been 10 years since I met Him. I recall a decade ago when I let go of something very dear to me in hope and trust that God will provide someone who I will take a risk in once he has taken a risk in me. It is in this year that I have never been the most expectant for all the great things He has in store for me. If you come, you come. If still not yet, Christ has been and will forever be, more than enough.

I hope these short recaps of how the past 5 years show you how much God has come through for me. I pray that in those 5 years, though I have failed to write, that you know I have been praying for you. Maybe at times intently, at times haphazardly. As for the times I have failed, I pray that God has kept you well. I pray that as much as God has been molding me for you, He has been molding you for me. 

I can't wait to finally meet you and share more of how life's been the past decade I've been in Christ and waiting for you.

"Don’t be weary in prayer; keep at it; watch for God’s answers, and remember to be thankful when they come." Colossians 4:2

Until then,

Ressa