The past days I've been exhausted. Literally. In all sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually then eventually physically.
My body finally gave in. The Ressa who has gotten used to always working, being always on the go has finally stopped functioning. I became tied to my bed for 3 days and counting. I couldn't drive, let alone walk. The worst way to end 2018. The worst way to welcome 2019.
It would have been great if being sick made my brain stop from thinking altogether. I still worked and made calls from my bed. I couldn't sleep either way. There's just so many things that need to be done. Eventually, after accomplishing what I had to do, I finally slept. The longest I probably had in the past few months.
Who knew I could also get exhausted from being exhausted.
I recalled the conversation I had with my discipler. Ate RJ and Kuya Migs right before I got sick. When they asked how I was, that was the main gist of everything, EXHAUSTED. I told them how I noticed a cycle. It's always been that way. It always ended up that way. It's not as if I never learned and applied the lessons. I always have. I was always quick to obey. Yet the outcome was always sadly the same.
The answer Kuya Migs had was "Sometimes it's not about you. It's not even about you lacking something. If there is one thing we learned since we also went through that season is: SURRENDER. Perhaps the reason why God allows you to go through it over and over again is for you to come to a point of SURRENDER."
Total SURRENDER. Seems so easy. One word. Yet it took only the past few days of helplessness and complete exhaustion to teach me to finally say "LORD, INTO YOUR HANDS I SURRENDER."
So here's to a 2019 of me surrendering. Of putting everything back at the foot of your cross. Do as You find pleasing even when I may not understand Your ways most of the time.
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Sunday, October 28, 2018
On friendship
I learned that not everybody you meet will be a good friend. Some will be good for a while, then when that season is done they leave. Some teach you to be a better person while others make you realize that you actually are a good person.
One way or another, you learn more and more about yourself. You realize that it takes effort to make and retain a friendship. That those who value you will let it be known through the distance and over time.
I also learned that not everyone will have the same heart as you and that's okay. Value those that do and move forward from those who only continue to take rather than to give. At least you know that at the end of the day, you were not the reason for the demise of that friendship.
That indeed you gave it your all and that there are new friends to meet and and that there will be new friends to keep.
That indeed you gave it your all and that there are new friends to meet and and that there will be new friends to keep.
2013 Valentines letter to YOU
Dear You,
Remember when I told you last year that I'd write you a letter every Valentines? Well I remembered that promise. I am a person who keeps her promises. When I know I can't, I don't. Most probably because I myself, don't like it when people get my hopes up and don't see them through.
To be honest though, I didn't feel like writing one. Then again, I've been learning that commitments should not be based on my feelings alone. That I want to be a woman who is able to put to the plate what she said she would.
The past few days, God has dealt with me in many areas of love. One of which is to love without keeping any record of wrongs. A few days ago, I hurt a person I love most in this world, because of something I remembered growing up. I really thought I knew how to love but learned through that experience that I didn't. At least not by Jesus' standards.
This day started extremely well. Today, as I got ready to drive my sisters to school, I told them "If someone wants to give you something, it's okay to accept it and to bring it home. You don't have to hide it and don't forget to say thank you." I guess from this conversation, I'm learning that the key to any relationship specially with children is to keep communication lines open. Let them know what is acceptable according to your faith and family values.
For my sisters I learned that as their Ate, I want to establish 1. Trust 2. Openness 3. Honesty 4. Gratitude. I want them to know that they can TRUST me that I will not scold them, I won't nag, I will listen but in return they also have to trust that I will always have their best intentions and if I do have to point some things out, it will always be (I hope) for their own good. I want to let them know that they can be open to me and that honesty would always be highly favored, plus even if they lie; I have means in uncovering the truth. HAHA. I want them to know that in everything, give thanks specially when they're blessings. I guess these are little things. These are things that we are taught in Kindergarten yet as we grow older, we are forced to devalue.
Remember when I told you last year that I'd write you a letter every Valentines? Well I remembered that promise. I am a person who keeps her promises. When I know I can't, I don't. Most probably because I myself, don't like it when people get my hopes up and don't see them through.
To be honest though, I didn't feel like writing one. Then again, I've been learning that commitments should not be based on my feelings alone. That I want to be a woman who is able to put to the plate what she said she would.
The past few days, God has dealt with me in many areas of love. One of which is to love without keeping any record of wrongs. A few days ago, I hurt a person I love most in this world, because of something I remembered growing up. I really thought I knew how to love but learned through that experience that I didn't. At least not by Jesus' standards.
This day started extremely well. Today, as I got ready to drive my sisters to school, I told them "If someone wants to give you something, it's okay to accept it and to bring it home. You don't have to hide it and don't forget to say thank you." I guess from this conversation, I'm learning that the key to any relationship specially with children is to keep communication lines open. Let them know what is acceptable according to your faith and family values.
For my sisters I learned that as their Ate, I want to establish 1. Trust 2. Openness 3. Honesty 4. Gratitude. I want them to know that they can TRUST me that I will not scold them, I won't nag, I will listen but in return they also have to trust that I will always have their best intentions and if I do have to point some things out, it will always be (I hope) for their own good. I want to let them know that they can be open to me and that honesty would always be highly favored, plus even if they lie; I have means in uncovering the truth. HAHA. I want them to know that in everything, give thanks specially when they're blessings. I guess these are little things. These are things that we are taught in Kindergarten yet as we grow older, we are forced to devalue.
Monday, October 22, 2018
The Story of Us
Yesterday, I really thought I wouldn't be able to go to church, much alone worship.
It's just how events work. It's just the nature of the job. You will always have to be on your toes. Expect the unexpected. Time and time again, we have to remind ourselves that we are also called to be excellent even in the workplace and that such excellence pleases an excellent God.
Saturday evening, I asked 2 good friends to pray with me so that I could attend the 5PM or at the very least, the 7PM service. Yet I knew that up until the event dinner, I would have to be mobile so in between my tasks yesterday, I fought for some time with the LORD. Fortunately, there was a livestream of a 10AM service on http://www.victoryfort.tv/
I thought that was my closest call to getting my feeding for the day.
I went through my day and enjoyed working with my boss and colleagues. I enjoyed meeting a couple from my hometown, Laguna. I smiled when I was told to entertain VIPs. I had to be on stage most of the time. I had to assist a performer and call medics when his nose bled after his performance. I surprisingly was asked to lead the prayer during dinner. Yet these are things that I'm quick to say yes to because it's why you're there. Make the most of it. It's always an opportunity to bless and serve people.
During dinner, I got to finally chill with the working team. You get to know more about each other. You learn to laugh the night away.
I am very fortunate to be working in a good environment. To be meeting new people and learning to serve alongside them.
Oh and just in case you're wondering, I got to run off just in the nick of time for the 7PM service. A little late for my own liking since I'm usually always early for Sunday services or any appointment, yet I know that I fought for things that matter. I fought for my time with You and in return you honored my desire. I guess that's what "The Story of US" will always be. Me uttering silent prayers and You being a very generous God to answer.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Saturday, October 20, 2018
From the Highest of Mountains to the Depths of the Sea.
I learned to love hiking in Japan. Perhaps because the beaches there are nothing compared to the beauty of our beaches here in Negros.
Before I left, I was more of a beach person. Staring out at the waves, hearing it crash to the shore. Taking in all that salty air. A trickle of salt on my lips. Yes, the beach instantly calms me.
It's as if for a moment there, you just get reminded that everything is in place. Everything is just right.
Yesterday, I planned with some church friends to go hiking. Days before the said hike, we realized due to work and some personal reasons, almost all of us couldn't make it.
So I prayed and asked a few close friends to help me pray for favor. 'Coz after spending time with a ton of people and the busyness of life, I just need to get away and breathe.
A few hours before the said hike, I found out I could go!
They say when you hike, you have to hike either by yourself or a friend for it to be effective. 'Coz the purpose of the hike is to regain your sense of things. To be one with nature.
Now how can you do that if you go on a hike with someone that you'd fight with as you try reaching the top? Someone that would discourage you from reaching your goal? Someone who would drive you nuts you'd like to push them over the edge when you get there?
So here are some things I've learned from that 6.6km hike:
1. Hike with the right people.
2. It's always better to be with someone. Life is not meant to be traveled alone.
3. Pace yourself. Baby steps. It's okay if you go slow. Just keep moving.
4. Appreciate the person who will look for you when you're trailing behind and guide you.
5. Say thank you when someone calls to check if everything is okay. It means they care. You are not forgotten.
6. Appreciate life when you find a person that will link arms with you and remind you of the beautiful view up there.
7. There is a time to share and there is a time to listen. 6.6kms will help you realize that.
8. Friends are an extension of God's love and grace toward us.
9. It is great to break bread together to share in laughter.
10. Time. Time is the best gift you can give to anyone and to yourself.
11. Glory. God's glory is around you. Even when you think otherwise.
12. Finish what you started.
13. Rejoice with those who rejoice with you.
14. Share each other's burden.
15. The pain is all worth it in the end. God has something beautiful in store for you if only you persevere.
The list could go on but then I wouldn't have a reason to write again now would I?
Oh and of course, we always go back to our first loves.. We went to Dauin on a whim. Wahoo BEACH!
Again, all is well with my soul.
"For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Psalm 19:1
“Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God’s wonders." Job 37:14
"How many are your works, LORD! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number— living things both large and small." Psalm 104:24-25
Here are some photos of those who taught me these things and many more:
Before I left, I was more of a beach person. Staring out at the waves, hearing it crash to the shore. Taking in all that salty air. A trickle of salt on my lips. Yes, the beach instantly calms me.
It's as if for a moment there, you just get reminded that everything is in place. Everything is just right.
Yesterday, I planned with some church friends to go hiking. Days before the said hike, we realized due to work and some personal reasons, almost all of us couldn't make it.
So I prayed and asked a few close friends to help me pray for favor. 'Coz after spending time with a ton of people and the busyness of life, I just need to get away and breathe.
A few hours before the said hike, I found out I could go!
They say when you hike, you have to hike either by yourself or a friend for it to be effective. 'Coz the purpose of the hike is to regain your sense of things. To be one with nature.
Now how can you do that if you go on a hike with someone that you'd fight with as you try reaching the top? Someone that would discourage you from reaching your goal? Someone who would drive you nuts you'd like to push them over the edge when you get there?
So here are some things I've learned from that 6.6km hike:
1. Hike with the right people.
2. It's always better to be with someone. Life is not meant to be traveled alone.
3. Pace yourself. Baby steps. It's okay if you go slow. Just keep moving.
4. Appreciate the person who will look for you when you're trailing behind and guide you.
5. Say thank you when someone calls to check if everything is okay. It means they care. You are not forgotten.
6. Appreciate life when you find a person that will link arms with you and remind you of the beautiful view up there.
7. There is a time to share and there is a time to listen. 6.6kms will help you realize that.
8. Friends are an extension of God's love and grace toward us.
9. It is great to break bread together to share in laughter.
10. Time. Time is the best gift you can give to anyone and to yourself.
11. Glory. God's glory is around you. Even when you think otherwise.
12. Finish what you started.
13. Rejoice with those who rejoice with you.
14. Share each other's burden.
15. The pain is all worth it in the end. God has something beautiful in store for you if only you persevere.
The list could go on but then I wouldn't have a reason to write again now would I?
Oh and of course, we always go back to our first loves.. We went to Dauin on a whim. Wahoo BEACH!
Again, all is well with my soul.
"For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I among them." Matthew 18:20
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Psalm 19:1
“Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God’s wonders." Job 37:14
"How many are your works, LORD! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number— living things both large and small." Psalm 104:24-25
Here are some photos of those who taught me these things and many more:
Abba, thank you for linking arms with me.
Sashi, your surprise at the peak reminded me of God's surprises and mindfulness.
The best people to climb with!
Imagine if I stopped, I wouldn't have seen all of this!
Kin, your leadership and discipline is worth emulating.
Keep climbing!
Keep climbing!
Thursday, October 18, 2018
On Constants
A good car conversation with a friend last night reminded me of my constant.
The constant we always knew. The constant we always held on to.
The constant we always loved. The constant that we adored.
The constant that we longed for. The constant that delighted in us.
The constant that craves to be there for us and never leaves us when everyone and everything has failed.
When I woke up this morning, I was reminded of a promise that constant gave me many years ago. That I held on to unceasingly for a season yet have quickly and sadly forgotten.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
Constant and unwavering.
I think now I know the true meaning of this verse. An entirely new meaning then when I first encountered it many years ago.
I used to focus only on the first part, "The every good and perfect gift." Yet today it reminds me of the Father of the heavenly lights, WHO DOES NOT CHANGE LIKE SHIFTING SHADOWS.
Same word but still sheds light into a different season of life. I am reminded that life should be looked upon as seasons and not stages.
That through every season He is there for us. He will sustain us. Because that's who He is "A good and perfect gift from above that came down to fulfill His promises."
Whatever it is that your heart is holding on to, know that in His hands, in His time, in His terms, in His ways they will come to fruition because of who He is and who we are in relation to him.
He has, He does, He will.
The constant we always knew. The constant we always held on to.
The constant we always loved. The constant that we adored.
The constant that we longed for. The constant that delighted in us.
The constant that craves to be there for us and never leaves us when everyone and everything has failed.
When I woke up this morning, I was reminded of a promise that constant gave me many years ago. That I held on to unceasingly for a season yet have quickly and sadly forgotten.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
Constant and unwavering.
I think now I know the true meaning of this verse. An entirely new meaning then when I first encountered it many years ago.
I used to focus only on the first part, "The every good and perfect gift." Yet today it reminds me of the Father of the heavenly lights, WHO DOES NOT CHANGE LIKE SHIFTING SHADOWS.
Same word but still sheds light into a different season of life. I am reminded that life should be looked upon as seasons and not stages.
That through every season He is there for us. He will sustain us. Because that's who He is "A good and perfect gift from above that came down to fulfill His promises."
Whatever it is that your heart is holding on to, know that in His hands, in His time, in His terms, in His ways they will come to fruition because of who He is and who we are in relation to him.
He has, He does, He will.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
3 Months. You Can Still Turn Things Around. A Reason to Stay.
I've been contemplating on writing again because there really isn't that much to write about. So where do I begin?
The past year has gone by a blur. The first half of 2018 hurt. A lot. Probably the most in my 31 years of existence.
It has been an excruciating process of holding on, and letting go. Of getting my hopes up only to be brought down again. Yet in the middle of the year around May 2018, things slowly picked up. I started to smile again.
There's still 3 months. 3 good months that the Lord has also made. I know You can turn this around.
You are after all, still the Lord of both answered and unanswered prayers. The Lord of surprises. My Lord who will always be for me when even at times, I can't be for me.
A reason to stay. Just a reason to stay.
The past year has gone by a blur. The first half of 2018 hurt. A lot. Probably the most in my 31 years of existence.
It has been an excruciating process of holding on, and letting go. Of getting my hopes up only to be brought down again. Yet in the middle of the year around May 2018, things slowly picked up. I started to smile again.
There's still 3 months. 3 good months that the Lord has also made. I know You can turn this around.
You are after all, still the Lord of both answered and unanswered prayers. The Lord of surprises. My Lord who will always be for me when even at times, I can't be for me.
A reason to stay. Just a reason to stay.
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