A very late Valentines letter for 2013 in time for Halloween

Dearest,

Sorry for the delay. For some reason it's been taking me longer than usual to write to you this year's Valentines letter. I can tell you that I've been busy, life has been crazy lately, I haven't had the time but these will all end up as EXCUSES. Rather, I'd like to say that I couldn't write one yet because God has been teaching me a lot about myself and you lately. Perhaps because almost everyday I've written shorter but heartfelt notes for you in my Moleskine.

Enough for that disclaimer. I want to ask about you? How have you been the past year? I hope you've been healthy, full of joy and at peace with all that this world has thrown at you. I guess I have this feeling that no matter how much you smile, how strong you appear to be, how perfect others may think your life is, you somehow at some point, also end up like me. Sick, tired, and even lonesome at times. I just pray that the Lord has been there with you, healing you, comforting you, encouraging you, and reminding you of how loved and valued you are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this year, for me it hasn't been all that great but because of it, I got to spend more time with the Lord. More time just enjoying Him, more time just trusting him, and more time seeking Him in all areas of my life. This year, though it has kind of been tough on me, I praise God for it. It is in this time that he has brought Truth and light into areas in my life that have been left untouched. It's also in this year that He's developed my faith further and brought it to greater heights. 

It's funny how I know that life could have been worse if not for me encountering a personal Jesus many years ago. I know that no matter how hard life gets, I'll be fine. Not always rainbows and birds chirping, but in the end I will be okay knowing I have my Lord God with me. In front of me, leading me when I don't know where or how to go about things, beside me when I need a shoulder to cry on and happens to be alone, behind me pushing me forward when I can't push myself out there anymore. I pray that you encounter the very same personal Jesus that I have on a daily basis. He'll get you through life's curve balls.

You know it's in this year that I in all honesty realized, it can get lonely at times. There I said it. The bus rides to far places that make me pray to God for protection and company, that make me mumble to God in prayer that next time, I have you traveling beside me. Walking the streets at night and admitting that it'd be nice to have someone walk with me some time. The coffee or meals shared with no one. Admitting this is kind of hard for me, because all of these things that I used to have no qualms with doing alone and enjoyed, well now they kind of bother me. I realized that I long to share more of my heart and life with someone, to be pursued, to be fought for, to be taken a risk on just as Christ did not being sure whether we'd accept Him in the end.

Just so you'd understand, I think it was in 2011 that I honestly asked God to hide me. Like really hide me. I got tired of the emotional highs and lows that I've been getting from some guys and told God I'll busy myself in Him, ministry, family, household, friends, travel and work. I prayed for Him to protect me and ward off men not from Him and that I didn't want to have anything to do with it unless it is already the man from His hand.

It was in this year however that I had my chances with others but chose to stay firm knowing that the Lord has you waiting in faith for me too. I'm sorry for the times I may have wavered, for the days that I have felt like giving up on praying for you. Rest assured though that the Lord has dealt with me on all of these things. That He has taught me how to have more persistence, determination, patience, faith, self discipline, and selflessness as I wait for you. Thank God for His word and His people that keep me going in the right direction and calls my attention when I'm about to cave in again. I pray that you have these too.

At the end of the day, I remember the words of Bruce Cockburn, "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight." Know that I will fight this fight of faith for you because God has reminded me time and time again that YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

So hang in there okay? Keep me in your prayers. Know that you're not alone in this fight of faith. 

'Til God leads me to you,

Ressa

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he has promised." Romans 4:20-21

Teach Me How to Love

Some of you (specially if you've been a friend on my Facebook since 2012), probably know that I wrote a valentines letter to God knows who last year. I promised that I would be writing a letter to that person every Valentines. Well I remembered that promise. I am a person who keeps her promises. When I know I can't, I don't. Most probably because I myself, don't like it when people get my hopes up and don't see them through.

To be honest though, I didn't feel like writing that love letter last week. Then again, I've been learning that commitments should not be based on my feelings alone. That I want to be a woman who is able to put to the plate what she said she would; but I guess this year's letter is still in the making since God has been teaching me something else.

This entry is still on the area of love but something beyond the romantic, lovey dovey, overly commercialized one that we experienced last week. DISCLAIMER 1: Please don't expect that this entry will be one of those. For those who read this because that's what you thought this was, I won't apologize but I will pray that you continue to read this. DISCLAIMER 2: It's quite lengthy and again I won't apologize for it encapsulates everything that I have learned on the area as of the moment. Better than a few measly sentences I suppose. Now that I'm done with warning you, let's get down to business.

The past few days, God has dealt with me in many areas of love but one stood out the most. One of which is TO LOVE KEEPING NO RECORD OF WRONGS, as found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  If we continue to the first part of verse 8 which says Love never fails. This verse was what God used to save me back in 2009. If I used this as a checklist, I would have scored well close to ZERO.

This is when I learned that I didn't know how to love at all and I shouldn't be in a relationship because of it. I learned that since I didn't know how to love (until I have a better and fuller understanding of it), I have no business experimenting and committing trial and error with it. I don't know why though that even if this was a famous line in "A Walk To Remember" (which used to be one of my favorite movies growing up); it just never really rang a bell. It was just for me, that. A line. A very cheesy one for that matter. I never knew it would hold so much meaning to me in the years to come.

A few days prior to Valentines Day, I hurt a person I love most in this world, because of something I remembered from my childhood. I cried while hurting the person, I cried after hurting that person, and I cried while repenting and asking for forgiveness from God and that person. I even cried when that person forgave me. I cried with tears of joy praising the Lord.

Anyway by 2013, I really thought I knew how to love more, but learned through that very real and recent experience; that I didn't. I JUST DIDN'T. At least not by Jesus' standards. That I have such a long way to go but at least I'm getting there. During that time, I ran to God and seeked him. Asked him to search my heart and help me. To save me once again and to teach me how to love. The way He loved me, the way He still loves me, the way that He will always love me.

The following things are what I learned as God taught me how to love after much prayer and reading of Scripture. Some of you know that I have been re-reading John and though I've read it a few times already, I am in awe and feel deeply moved at how Jesus loves us as written here, far more than what 1 Corinthians could explain to me. There are other verses that I have encountered as I asked God to mentor me on LOVING 101.

Ressa's Crash Course on Loving (Jesus' Way since my way has always FAILED):

1. Love is a command by no other than Jesus. You don't believe me? Well I didn't believe it myself at first glance.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

Back in September 2009, I accepted Jesus as my Savior because I needed someone to save me. Big time. As time went by, I came to recognize that I didn't just needed and wanted him to save me, but I needed and wanted him to be my Lord. That though for a control freak like me, was a difficult one. Little by little, year by year, I learned to let go of different areas of my life e.g. my love life, career life, family life (all things that if I had it my way, I would like to have control of).

Having come to terms with that, I learned that I should love others not because I'm a good person, or not because I have a big heart, or because that person is so lovable. Most of the time, the Lord asks me to love the most unlovable ones. Yet it becomes easy when you know that you don't have to love with your own love but with His.

2. Love is something that in God's eyes is so great that he made it a foundation for friendship.

^" Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:13-15

That when He chose to die on the cross for us, He did it because we were His friends. Not so that we would be indebted to him for saving us for the rest of our lives, or that we would be enslaved and forced to love him; rather, that He is asking us to partner with Him in loving others. That He would like to impart what He has learned from our Father to us. Now isn't that amazing? How unselfish of Jesus, another character that is so unlike us.

3. Love is a choice; and again, A COMMAND.

¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.

I always thought that I chose Jesus but I learned as a baby Christian that it was not something that I could choose on my own. Back during my college years, I really wanted a relationship with the Lord yet it just didn't happen when I wanted it or how I wanted it. Only to find out that it would but in His time and in His way. Sometimes I forget though. I become conceited, I become self righteous. That's when God has to teach me yet again how to LOVE. All the time when I forget unintentionally or intentionally or when I diagnose myself with selective amnesia, God finds a way to remind me why I was saved in the first place and that is to bear fruit that will last.

4. Love is deep. So deep that it covers over a multitude of sins.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

 "Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs." Proverbs 10:12

You know the saying that one can forgive but can't forget? Well I do, because I have lived by that thought. It was my mantra against those who have hurt me in some way prior to being Christian. Sometimes as shameful it may be for me to admit, it still finds it's way into my life and creeps in hmmm as of like a few weeks ago? So going back to the introduction of this entry, which inspired this entry in the first place, this is where I was deeply corrected and came out very humbled.

You know how we have this inclination to point fingers? To start blaming others when things fall apart? (Ooohhh Chinua Achebe right there) Well it's the easiest thing to do. Somehow it boosts our egos, or gives us this feeling of righteousness when we are able to point out other people's mistakes. When we rub it in their faces and we expect a certain instant gratification from doing so.

Well it didn't happen that way for me a few weeks back. Right after I did that to someone who I claimed to love most in this world, right at that very moment, I was in tears. I wondered to myself "Oh no? What did I just do? Where did that come from? Here I am thinking I know how to love but I'm such an ugly person inside."

The next day, I repented and really asked the Lord to search my heart. To help me get the roots of hurt, bitterness, anger out. Amazingly in the few days to come as I humbled myself to the Lord, He has helped me understand that his love for that person I hurt so much is someone that He loves a lot too, that whatever mistakes that person made was something that He CHOSE TO FORGIVE AND FORGET, and that His love was so great that He chose to die for her too.

That's when I learned that when you love someone deeply, as much as God has, that deep love will be able to cover a multitude of errors, a multitude of hurt; and that you must bring yourself by the help of God's grace to FORGIVE AND FORGET. On my own, I recognized that I couldn't do it, and God did it for me. All I had to do was to surrender and obey.

As what I read recently from one insightful person, "We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive."

4. Love is an ACT, it must be SINCERE, it must be DEVOTED, it must be HONORING.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

To bring things to a close because I didn't think it would come to be as lengthy as this, I learned that love is not something that can be just shown every Valentines. Love should not be haphazardly thrown around by saying a mere "I love you." It should not be sincere sometimes, but ALWAYS. That when we love others, we should hate what is evil and celebrate what is good, we should be DEVOTED to one another, not just our partner but our parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, mentors, househelp, and even to our enemies.

Lastly, is that love should bring honor to others and not tear them down. Love is something above ourselves. God is love. Now going back to my 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, at least I got some down. I declare all my points for God on this one :))

FEBRUARY 2013: A Letter I Wrote in February 2012 ---Time Capsule

UPDATE: This year's valentines letter came super late but I finally got to writing it today. Here's the link to it! http://ressaregalado.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-valentines-letter-in-time-for.html

So it's February 1, 2013 already. Wew! This month came by extremely fast. Went through my Facebook notes and saw this letter I wrote for whoever he is, last year when this month came around. I'd like to jump-start this month's blog post with this. Yay for my first post this month! :)) P.S. Keep watch for this year's valentines letter. 

February 13, 2012

Dear You,

This year I decided to write you a letter. I don’t even know you yet but I know you’d be smiling when you read this. This would be the first of many more to come. 

My walk with Christ marks my time in waiting for you. Some of my good friends would say, “You’re still ok now, but you’ll eventually need a boyfriend soon.” Or “What? 2 years and a half? And you don’t date? That’s a long time.” I usually answer with a smile and ask “Bat naman?” They’d answer, “You need one. To help you take care of your sisters. Those errands. To carry your groceries, drive for you.” The list goes on and on. I answer, “Yes, I know I need someone but not a boyfriend.” When they ask what I need, I answer ”A husband.” One reaction I often get? HERE: @__@

I admit, sometimes it gets difficult. Specially when I get sick. I try my best not to because I know no one would take care of me. Times when I’m alone, LITERALLY. When sisters are away with my aunt and ALL my friends JUST HAPPEN to be busy at THE SAME TIME. Ironic huh?

I’ve been in a relationship once, for almost 4 years, that’s a long time. When you see couples walking around, you can’t help but to say “I used to have that too.” You can’t help to admit that you miss having someone along.

Specially during this time wherein everywhere you go, it reminds you of Valentines. I turn on the FM radio, and love songs are blaring from the speakers. I go to the mall, it’s red, pink, and white EVERYWHERE. I had a date with one of my girlfriends in Bo’s coffee shop last Saturday and Kuya was hanging hearts. Even in Facebook, THERE’S NO ESCAPING IT! GAAAAAA. It’s evident the status of people’s hearts with the statuses and music videos they’ve been posting as Valentines approaches. You know who’s happily in love, those blessed in their marriage, the emo, the bitter, and the BETTER.

You know, before I wouldn’t even notice. I guess it comes with age. HAHAHA! I now on a very personal level, understand the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and Erikson's stages of psycho-social development for young adults.

Amazingly though, during all this time I have experienced God as my provider. He’s provided me the comfort when things get a bit lonely. My encourager, when the world gets a toll on me. I realized it’s ok to be sick because He will take care of me. I want cake, He’s blessed me with a girlfriend who bakes them extremely well. The groceries get a bit heavy, God sends me angels in the form of friends that offer to carry them for me. I need a date, I never run out of them. Flowers, I get them too. Chocolates? Not a problem. Someone has sent me a box filled with them. Movie date? I enjoy with friends and sisters. Sometimes I even go alone. Gifts? I get the best from extremely generous people. He's teaching me to be content and to enjoy these things with the people in my life now; so that when you come along, you would be a great addition to these great experiences.

God extremely knows how to compensate. He knows how to provide the best way He can in this season. He has given me my great2x family, friends, and my spiritual family. I’m very, very blessed I must say.  He’s enjoying teaching me to relish in this season with Him, share my life with others, learn the skills I need to be that someone for you someday. Yes! I already know how to cook BUT I don’t mind adding more to my repertoire. 

I pray that during this time, you also experience God in your life the way that I have. That he keeps you strong in the faith at times like these. I pray you enjoy this season too! It is in this time that He will prepare you and mold you to be a complete person for me. I pray that this time makes you excited for when He leads you to me. I’m surely excited for the time He brings me to you.

I ask that you hold me in your prayers as I have held you in mine. May you fall so deeply in love with Him that you would also know how He wants you to love me someday. May God surround you with Godly men and women to keep your heart and eyes fixed on Him. As for me, don’t worry too much. He’s keeping me for you. Hang in there ok?

Happy Valentines Day!

Ressa

Saturday Thoughts of LOVE Inspired by the Rain and a Song :))

A few hours ago, I had a Cafetography session and just bonding with my sisters and my sister in Christ, Geri.

What started out as a lesson on my sister's new Nikon J1, ended with us spurring each other to move toward the goal and how to continue to wait faithfully on God. For whatever it is, whether it's a new job, financial provision, healing, or a partner. 

We shared how we admired marriages that seemed really good. Not because of the material provision or the good looking couple, or the beauty of their children; but how the most beautiful married couples that we look up to are actually beautiful because they are founded on Christ. We talked about the recent situation of how some marriages, or family lives aren't as cut out as they're exhibited to be on TV, movies, dramas, or even closer to home, FACEBOOK.

We are learning that God is what makes the couples we admire BEAUTIFUL. God makes their marriage WORK. God makes their marriage GROW. God makes their marriage so ENCOURAGING. God makes their marriage FULL OF HOPE. God makes their marriage GLOW.

In these times where families are being attacked, where marriage is being devalued through temporary relationships, infidelity, divorce (which by the way is a bill being talked about to be passed in the Philippines if you've been living under a rock these days.) Well it sometimes becomes quite discouraging for us. 

However, when you understand the heart of Jesus and see the hand of God in the lives, marriages, and families of others; whether they are thriving, working, struggling to make it work, shattered, you come to terms with it and see the eternal aspects of things.

It all boils down to God's LOVE. Understanding how God works. How he makes even the discouraging parts of life BEAUTIFUL IN HIS OWN TIME; well that's where you would be able to draw PEACE, COMFORT, JOY, HOPE. 

God is all knowing, but I look at my God as ALL LOVING. Whatever he does, is all out of His love for me and for the people around me. I can never predict what my future marriage will be like.  I'm not God, obviously. BUT I know that if marriage is in store for me, or even if it is singleness that He gifts me with, it's all going to be a GIFT. It will all be for His glory. In the end, it will go back to Him. Marriage or singleness should be that way right? It's all meant to glorify Him. It all goes back to Him.

I don't know what you guys are going through right now, but I just pray that whatever or wherever God has you right now, you relish it as a gift. Be overwhelmed of His love for you. His love and His faithfulness does not change because of your circumstances or your feelings. I sure can't imagine where I'd be right now if it wasn't for Him. He carries me through. I pray that you know that He's doing the same for you. Have a great weekend guys! :))

These are some of my thoughts. Oh what the rain can do. What a song can inspire. What words God can make come out.

Kari Jobe What Love Is This You never change, You are the God You say You are When I'm afraid You calm and still my beating heart You stay the same, when hope is just a distant thought You take my pain And You lead me to the cross What love is this, that You gave Your life for me And made a way for me to know You And I confess You're always enough for me You're all I need I look to You I see the scars upon Your hands And hold the truth That when I can't You always can I'm standing here beneath the shadow of the cross, I'm overwhelmed that I Keep finding open arms What love is this that You gave Your life for me and made a way for me to Know You And I confess, You're always enough for me You're all I need Jesus in Your suffering, You were reaching; You thought of me Jesus in Your suffering, You were reaching; You thought of me What love is this, that You gave Your life for me And made a way for me to know You And I confess, You're always enough for me You're all I need What love is this, that You gave Your life for me And made a way for me to know You And I confess, You're always enough for me Always enough for me Always enough for me

A God of All People

Tonight, as I waited for my last student, I downloaded my favorite Christian songs on my office PC. I was so happy when "Hosanna" by Hillsong downloaded so fast. When I opened it though, it wasn't in English like I hoped for. Instead of deleting it, I continued listening. I don't understand Spanish at all, but I felt His presence. I guess that's what it means to worship God. Jesus isn't restricted to just English or Fiilipino. No wonder so many people around the globe are getting saved. The Gospel transcends language, culture, geography, traditions and even intellect. AMAZING GOD :))

Here's the song in Spanish..

Here's the song in English..

I pray that it blesses you as much as it has blessed me. Have a great evening, day, or whatever depending on what timezone you are as you read this. May God speak to you as you find the time and place to worship Him. :))

Why are you Christian? Who made you the Christian you are now? Ask yourself.

Going back to the reason why I worship in the first place. Sometimes we got to preach the Gospel to ourselves. Christians as we are. Whether a baby one, on to your years of being one, we need to remind ourselves why and whose we are. Who made us the Christian we are today. Ask yourself. Search your heart. If it is yourself, your works, the church, your Christian friends that make you the Christian you are today, you've missed the point. You have forgotten. Read any of the gospels, better yet read the book of John, and remember. REALIZE that it all boils down to God's LOVE. His FAITHFULNESS. Happy New Year guys!