Sorry but I Don't Do Coffee Anymore

I never thought I'd live a life where I would ever not be coffee dependent.  You see, If you've known me for quite some time, you'd know I live for coffee. My usual headaches come from not having my daily dose of coffee. A month clear of coffee. Wew!

I don't know. There's something about it. The quietness of having a cup of coffee by myself or the company, good conversations and sometimes the comfortable silence that comes along with drinking coffee with a good friend.

It's true what they say that it takes more or less 21 days to kick a habit and by far, this is probably the only habit I've kicked.

I'm not going to say it wasn't hard. Specially when you smell the brew coming from the person beside you, it's so tempting. I won't say I don't feel like grabbing a cup for myself; but truly the benefits have surely outweighed my choice to distance myself from it.

The past few weeks, I have had no migraines, no heart stopping mimics of what I'd think was a mini heart attack (but was actually acid reflux) and lesser anxiety. I've also lost 6kilos since I decided to stop drinking coffee.

If my memory serves me right, the last one I had was before the wedding that I attended that culminated in my accident. Perhaps knowing that I needed more calcium than caffeine to strengthen my bones, helped me wean myself from it.

So I apologize if I have to decline your coffee invites from now on. I guess we'll just have to check if they have milk, tea, a blueberry cheesecake or a white-cheese brownie for me.

Here's to a year full of breaking habits that will benefit us all in the end! We all know there are some things we can do away with anyway. Learn to let go of them.

For everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.

5 Years Later.. A Valentines Letter

Dear You,

I don't know where to start. Maybe by apologizing? For stopping the letters. I realized that it's been 5 years exactly since the last letter. As to why I stopped writing to you, I don't really know? It's mind-boggling really since I can't put my finger to an exact reason.

Perhaps I got too busy? Perhaps life got in the way. Or perhaps though I would not like to admit it, I got tired. Exhausted may even be the right word.

The past years that I've stopped writing, I learned a lot about myself and God. 

Where do I begin? Maybe in the first year I stopped writing.

In 2015, Things went by in a blur.  A good blur though. I finally got to be me. To go after things I prayed for in years. I finally practiced what I studied painstakingly in college for. I stepped foot in the Land of the Rising Sun. Something that I thought was a shelved dream in college, yet when God has His hands on it, it will be swift. Not completely trouble-free but in most parts, everything will be smooth.

This was the year that God enabled me to explore and get lost; but a good kind of lost since it was during these times that I found myself. Met a lot of interesting people. From all walks of life, ages, cultural backrounds even different faiths or lack of. From Atheists, Agnostic, Buddhist, Shinto, Jews. This opened my eyes and my heart. My heart became bigger. I prayed harder for people. I understood God's bigger picture. I understood more clearly what the gospel John meant.

In 2016, I got mugged and 2 weeks right after, I lost my grandfather in the Philippines. Being away from all loved ones and keeping things to myself so as to not worry my family back home. Handling these 2 life-altering events alone, made me pray harder for you. This was probably the time that I prayed for you when I woke up and when I went to sleep. I realized that in all the good things I experienced, all the good food I ate, but mostly in the most terrifying and saddest events in my life, I wanted to have someone to share it all with. I uttered a silent prayer that as much as God has kept me safe and healthy away from home, that He shielded you and your loved ones from all harm and illness too.

I went home that year and a good friend of mine prayed for you. In tears she said "Lord, I pray for Ressa's husband. That You will bring to her the man that she will share life's joys and burdens with." That prayer stuck to me and I realized that even as I lived my life as a content single young professional, God has touched the hearts of people around me to pray not only for me but you.

In 2017, I made up for lost time with family and adjusted to making my home into home again. 

In 2018, This was the most painful year by far. So much was happening internally. Many of which, only God knew about. This was a year of surrender in many areas of my life.

2019, I started it with a week-long flu, and on the day of my last antibiotic, I broke my leg. Both bones into 3. 24 stitches and a plate. Yet my heart is so full. My leg is of steel but my heart is still. So hopeful. So excited for what God has in store. It's been a few months in, and God has taught me so much about His Sovereignty and love. I've learned to communicate better and being okay with being helpless so that others can help and care for  me. This is the year that it's been 10 years since I met Him. I recall a decade ago when I let go of something very dear to me in hope and trust that God will provide someone who I will take a risk in once he has taken a risk in me. It is in this year that I have never been the most expectant for all the great things He has in store for me. If you come, you come. If still not yet, Christ has been and will forever be, more than enough.

I hope these short recaps of how the past 5 years show you how much God has come through for me. I pray that in those 5 years, though I have failed to write, that you know I have been praying for you. Maybe at times intently, at times haphazardly. As for the times I have failed, I pray that God has kept you well. I pray that as much as God has been molding me for you, He has been molding you for me. 

I can't wait to finally meet you and share more of how life's been the past decade I've been in Christ and waiting for you.

"Don’t be weary in prayer; keep at it; watch for God’s answers, and remember to be thankful when they come." Colossians 4:2

Until then,

Ressa

A Partner for the Next 2 Months

Now before you all go crazy, this partner is.. my crutches!

My PT told me to treat my crutches on our first session, "Treat this as your friend, after all it will be your partner for at most the next 2 months."

The past few weeks with my so called partner, I have learned the past few things:

1. I need to GET TO KNOW my partner.

2. As I let it get to know me, I need to BE COMFORTABLE with it.

3. I NEED TO TRUST my crutches. Wobble2x at the beginning but indeed, it's helped me prevent further accidents.

4. My crutches BALANCES ME OUT.

5. NO CHEATING. There are NO SHORTCUTS. The more you do shortcuts, the more accidents are prone to happen.

6. In relation to number 5, CHILL. Take your time.

7. GET USED to your partner.

8. Your crutches will help you in carrying your weight. DON'T BE AFRAID TO LET IT CARRY THE BURDEN.

9. TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE, always use both of them.

10. Sooner rather than later, you will be able to STAND ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT IT.

So there you are! Not exactly the post some of you were expecting at the beginning, but hey the things you learn from crutches.

Broken Bones are Lovely Bones

Last night, I lay in my bed reflecting on how Christ may have felt when His bones were broken. Why was it that I was never in pain and had peace during the entirety of my accident? Then I came to realize that perhaps because many years ago, someone else bore all that pain for me and all of mankind.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

Backtrack to what happened.

I attended a high school friend's wedding. On the way to my car to drive myself and a few friends home, my wedge heels got stuck in between those canal covers and I fell down. My left leg under my right, forming a "de-quatro" or figure 4. I thought it was just one of those slips so I tried to get up. When I couldn't get up, I knew something was horribly wrong.

A good friend of mine Dan, was able to flash some light and he said "Don't look. Let me ask for help." As we waited for the ambulance in the darkness I asked God why. Why me? I already ended 2018 by not being able to enjoy it due to a 1 week flu. I'm barely recovering and still on my last day of antibiotics then this? What a way to welcome 2019.

Yet in the stillness of the night, I came to understand that in God's Sovereignty it would have been impossible for him to have missed this. That He could have prevented things from happening yet He allowed it. 

Not to say that my broken leg was of God's doing but I came to remember Job. One of my favorite characters in the Bible. Who is known to be God's faithful. Even when he lost his flocks, his estate, his children, his wife and then lastly was hit with boils. 

The very enemy plotted hard to prove that all these taken away, Job will waver and curse the Lord. As satan went to God to tell him about his scheming plans, the Lord replied "Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man do not lay a finger." (Job 1:12)

The Lord said this about Job, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me to ruin him without any reason." (Job 3:4)

The thought alone that the Lord was with me amidst darkness and that He was still in control of my life, that even the enemy has to consult Him with what to do with me, comforted me as I waited for the ambulance. As I wondered why I couldn't have just reached my car as I usually would have, I realized that perhaps God wanted to prevent a full-on car accident with my 2 friends. That perhaps in His goodness I was given a broken leg over broken hips. I prayed that just like Job I hope I would come out of this ordeal as His most faithful.

Upon arriving at the ER, I honestly thought my friend Dan would leave me once my family arrived. Yet he didn't. He stayed with me til 6 in the morning. Even as his mother was telling him to go home, he never left my side. This showed me friendship at it's finest. 

You see, I'm the person that takes care of people and not the other way around. I'm the one used to being inconvenienced for others. The one that has it all together. The one who is always relied on. Yet at that point, I was at my most helpless. I had to rely on family and friends.

Today, I look at my right leg, with both bones broken into 3, plate and all 24 stitches, and see the beauty amidst suffering. Realizing that there is beauty in brokenness. 

This Saturday, my stitches will be removed but may my scars always remind me of God's love. Of how God loved me so much with an overwhelming love and care these past days through my sisters, my parents, my aunts, cousins, friends and church family. His amazing extension of healing from my medical team, from my aides, nurses and physical therapists.

Sometimes we doubt God's love when circumstances dictate we should. Sometimes we ask Him why and it is during these times that He answers. Perhaps not the ideal answers we long for but indeed He answers.

For the benefit of those who are still asking what happened, I hope this blog encapsulates everything. 

To my angels, you already know who you are. Thank you for being Christ's extension of His love for me.

To my ever-loving and Sovereign Father, thank You for answering me in the darkness of the night. Thank You for letting me start my 2019 right. I have never been more at peace and rested than in the past week. Truly there is peace and understanding that only You can give. Thank You for my life and my miraculous healing in and through You. Thank you for your goodness and great love for me. Thank You for seeing me.