The past days I've been exhausted. Literally. In all sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually then eventually physically.
My body finally gave in. The Ressa who has gotten used to always working, being always on the go has finally stopped functioning. I became tied to my bed for 3 days and counting. I couldn't drive, let alone walk. The worst way to end 2018. The worst way to welcome 2019.
It would have been great if being sick made my brain stop from thinking altogether. I still worked and made calls from my bed. I couldn't sleep either way. There's just so many things that need to be done. Eventually, after accomplishing what I had to do, I finally slept. The longest I probably had in the past few months.
Who knew I could also get exhausted from being exhausted.
I recalled the conversation I had with my discipler. Ate RJ and Kuya Migs right before I got sick. When they asked how I was, that was the main gist of everything, EXHAUSTED. I told them how I noticed a cycle. It's always been that way. It always ended up that way. It's not as if I never learned and applied the lessons. I always have. I was always quick to obey. Yet the outcome was always sadly the same.
The answer Kuya Migs had was "Sometimes it's not about you. It's not even about you lacking something. If there is one thing we learned since we also went through that season is: SURRENDER. Perhaps the reason why God allows you to go through it over and over again is for you to come to a point of SURRENDER."
Total SURRENDER. Seems so easy. One word. Yet it took only the past few days of helplessness and complete exhaustion to teach me to finally say "LORD, INTO YOUR HANDS I SURRENDER."
So here's to a 2019 of me surrendering. Of putting everything back at the foot of your cross. Do as You find pleasing even when I may not understand Your ways most of the time.
