Deafening silence: In His deafening silence what do you do?

It's 4:17AM as I write this. I always wanted my next blog entry to be about how God will work wonders and get glory in the area of my career. How he would grant me a breakthrough that I could use to encourage others who are praying for a career shift, struggling with job hunting or just something timely to encourage even the fresh graduates I know.

So I fasted. Knowing that as I fast and devote myself even more in prayer, I will be able to hear from God more clearly. That as I get deeper into His presence as I read Scripture, I will hear His voice. For Christians, as a sheep who knows the sound of its' shepherds voice, I was eager to hear. Eager to have my eyes and my heart opened to what the Father has in store for me. Eager to follow. Eager to obey.

Yet what do you do when all that you get in all the seeking is silence? Silence so deafening. So unsettling. That's what I got. After hearing so clearly from Him through the preached Word during Sunday services week in and week out, when Scripture spoke to me so clearly, when Christian counsel was so encouraging and confirmed a lot of what I already knew that God spoke to me in my quiet times. Suddenly, everything was falling slowly into place. Piece by piece, things started to make sense. And then suddenly this. Wouldn't you struggle to make sense of utter silence? From the One who we know has all the answers. Yet nope. Not even a whisper.

Until I learned. God always makes me learn. I bet He smiles as slowly I am getting that even in His silence, He is there. He is teaching me that though I will not get the answers right away, though He may never answer the way I would want him to, the point in all of this journey is to TRUST. To trust in the God who knows the beginning and the end. To rest knowing that God sees me. In my frustration. In my distress. To understand that just like David, He will not call me to battle unprepared. That though He has already called me, He will make sure I am ready. Ready for the greatness He has in store for me and the people He will entrust to me. 

Dear Jesus, how sweet it is to walk with You. In your clarity and in your silence I rejoice. I am honored to be Your child. For I know You will not withhold any good thing from me because You love me too much. yet in your abundance of love, You will also not give what will harm me. You know me better than I know myself. For you formed me in my mother's womb, you have already set my days before me. In my confusion, I cling to You father. You are more than enough. Meeting you in this silence, I thank you. I would want to be in the center of Your will even if it's in silence than to be elsewhere. I will continue to hope. No longer in the answers but in You who is more than enough. Always.

"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God Than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You!" Psalm 84:10-12

Love Letter for You Valentines 2014: 3rd letter to date! :))

Dearest You,

Wow! The 3rd letter has come. Nakakarami ka na! Where are mine? I'm running out of words. HAHA (Oh no! What if you're not Filipino? Use google translator please. LOL)

So last year's letter came awfully late which I got to writing in October.  2012's letter on Valentines eve, and this letter just a few days after, since on February 14, 2014 I spent the best Valentines day to date, witnessing one of my best friend's wedding.  

Honestly though it was my first valentines with no flowers other than the maid of honor bouquet, no chocolates other than the Bobot in their sweets corner during the reception, no cake except the wedding cake, I in all honesty felt so loved and in love that day. I felt the love that was shared not only by the couple but the family and friends that were there to witness it; most specially the love of God displayed on that glorious day. 

Being so hands on in a wedding prior, during, and post wedding day left me thinking how much planning, time, effort, money, and energy it takes to orchestrate such a wonderful day. Makes me think twice before I say yes to you someday. HAHA! I am kidding. Geri (my friend who got married) once told me "Ressa, I think you will get married before me. Seeing how you are now and the way the Lord has prepared you, you are more ready than me." 

That's when I realized that no matter how prepared I may seem to be by the human eye, only the Lord knows the preparedness of my heart and character. He knows the real deal. He is the only one who can see what we can't. He is the only one who knows when, how, where and with who it's going to happen for us. He knows me and you more than we even know ourselves. He understands us for He created us. He knows our heart's greatest desires, needs, longings, fears. He knows this, for He created us and we are His before we become each other's.

It is timely how yesterday during the Sunday service, Kuya Archie preached using the love story of Ruth and Boaz. Not many know this but the love story of Boaz and Ruth has been my favorite love story since last year. I was reminded that our relationship with God should be of utmost priority and that our convictions stem from our depth of relationship with Him. That my character is my compass that will lead me to my Boaz. I already knew this in the past years of walking with Christ that it will be my faith, convictions, and character that will lead me to you someday. It will be those exact same things that will attract me to you when that time comes. All I need is to wait. Not on you but on our Heavenly Father who knows us best.

You know there have been times when I questioned God. I questioned him a lot. Quite recently actually during last week's Sunday service. Not just about my lovelife but a lot of things. Family, career, dreams, disappointments. But if there is one thing I can't ever question is His love. I know He loves me immensely. That alone is enough for me to trust and put my faith in Him alone for things to happen the way they should be even when I can't understand.

I pray that even in this season of singleness, when and if you ever come to a point when you ask the Lord probably the same questions I've asked myself, that you remember His love for you too. The love that caused Him to send his only son Jesus to live a life and die a death for you and me. All of this because He loved us so much to have us eternally separated from Him. If He could do that, then is there anything in His power that He is not able to do for you and me

now?

I pray that the Lord draws you even more closer to Him in this season of waiting. I pray that you understand that this season is not a desperate or fruitless one but an intentional and very purposeful one. His grace for us and for that, I am extremely grateful.

To my Boaz, I leave you with what the Lord has revealed to me in Scripture and confirmed through Godly counsel these past days even after Valentines.

"God is not human, that he should lie,not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and I cannot change it." Numbers 23:19-20

Love, 

Ruth este Ressa :)

P.S. You probably had a hard time dealing with all the love songs during Valentines but this one speaks volumes. Plus it's from me so I'd appreciate you listening to it. Happy Valentines!

Of Weddings and being a Maid of Honor on Valentines Day 2014: God's faithfulness

Today, we celebrate the wedding of both Froi2x and Geri. Personally, I am just so blessed to see how much God has been faithful in both of your single lives and now as a newly-wed couple. 

Socrates once said, “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, twice blessed you will be. If you get a bad wife, you’ll become a philosopher.” HAHA J Good thing Froi for you, you have found a good wife in Geri. I pray for twice the blessings that only the Lord can provide the two of you and your future family.

Pero that doesn’t mean na si Froi lang ang nakakuha ug good and perfect gift, let’s be fair. To let you in on a little secret, a few years back when Froi2x was not yet in the picture, kani si Geri worried kaayo ko for her.  When we would shop for our Godson’s gift together, I would tell her “Huy Ge, help me out.” She’d say “Uhm ok ra na Res, ikaw ra bahala. Tawagi ra ko pag mubayad na. ” Iya ra ko pasagdaan. Then I seriously told her, “Ge, dili pwede. You need to learn about these things. Unsa ang good bottles and not. Unsa ang BPA-free, etc. You have to know these things.” Geri would say “Parehas kayo ni Karen. She’s telling me to learn how to cook. Para maging blessing daw ako sa mapapangasawa ko. Pero ok lang yan. Wag kayo mag-alala. Bat ba mas nag-aalala kayo kesa sakin?” 

I told her, “Geri, we will not be together forever. What if you have your first baby what would you do? Come here, turuan kita.” Geri’s reply: “Simple. I will call you. Diba Res, what are friends for?”

I am sharing this to let everyone know that even during those times, the Lord has kept Geri at peace and confident. Kaya pala ganon na lang ang confidence niya, it’s because God provided those exact things in Froi. God knew what would be a suitable partner for her someday. Froi who is very detailed, knows what to look for when shopping, and cooks for Geri, indeed you are a good and perfect gift for her too. Kaya Ma, I can breathe na. Knowing that you are in good hands. Plus mahal man ang long distance from Hong Kong so thank God for Froi2x. Froi, akong mama ikaw na bahala a? Love her as Isaac loved Rebekah. Geri, be of comfort and encouragement to Froi your husband. 

They say a wedding is one thing. A marriage is something else entirely. But based on the preparation that the Lord has subjected you both not only for this day but the rest of your days together, I know you guys will be more than okay. I put my confidence, not in the two of you but the God who has brought you together. May you always remember Him who has been so faithful in your lives as singles, as an engaged couple, and your future life together. Know that both of your families, closest friends, as well as your spiritual family from Dumaguete, Cebu, and Hong Kong we all share in your joy today and we will continue to cover you both in prayers. I don't want to leave out Mamang because I know she is rejoicing with us. So happy that we are all here today to celebrate your marriage. 

And as your Maid of Honor, thank you for letting me be a part of this glorious wedding. I now understand why it is such an honor to be one. There is no better place to be this Valentines Day. I love you both.   

On choosing to love.. As He chose to love us.

Wow it's 2014! Nope this isn't my annual Valentines Letter to God knows who yet. It's just a spur of the moment blog on some thoughts.

So lately I've been so busy. Yes with my sisters and ministry but more on helping in the preparations of one of my closest friend's wedding which happens tomorrow. 

Being with the bride while meeting her suppliers over the past months, dealing with the stress alongside her and her groom, and rejoicing in the joy they're experiencing as the day nears got me thinking. Yes about marriage and love in general.

A lot of people involved in the wedding preparations have said to me, "Grabe noh? Maid of Honor ka pero parang coordinator ka na rin. Na-apil pud kag kastress. Ikaw, kelan ba yung sayo?" I'd laugh and say "Oh don't worry. You'll definitely know. Kasi icocopy paste ko lang tong lahat ng preparations for Geri's wedding when that happens. That is if the husband agrees and if the husband (Piolo) finally finds out. HAHA" 

Seriously, I find it amusing that I can be in high spirits and so humorous when I respond that way. Perhaps because I know that it's all in God's good timing and when it happens for me, all Glory goes to Him. If you were to ask me if I would be ready to get married if someone proposed to me tomorrow, I'd say of course not. You see, saying YES to such a life changing event bares the responsibility that will affect not only you and that man but the generation that follows in that marriage. Then again, nobody is every fully ready until it happens. So this waiting period which others dread, I consider it God's grace. His grace of preparation until that time comes. Until that person comes.

Many of you know that I drive. Last year, during a flesh and spirit battle I had to basically pull over to the side of the national highway as I drove myself home. In tears I cried out to God and said this prayer "Lord I will let go. Not because I find it easy but because I know you have a great plan for me. I know I deserve someone who will choose me. Not confused. Not playing it safe but someone who will choose me the way You chose me. Who will see me and know I'm his. The way You saw me and just knew. Someone who will take a risk with me the way You took a risk with me many years ago knowing full well that I may not even accept You, but you still risked it all for me. Because I am worth it."

Many people think that when they get saved, it's because they chose God. But when I came to know Christ, I knew it wasn't me. Because if my salvation was something I could do for myself, then when I feel like turning my back on God and I just don't want any of this Christianity thing anymore, then I can take matters into my own hands and unsave myself. But I did play a role. I accepted the invitation. Even Scripture backs this up in John 15:16 Jesus says “You did not choose Me but I chose you.” 

Tomorrow I will be witnessing two people exchange their vows. Two people who CHOSE each other as God chose them to be a part of His family. Tomorrow I will be smiling, laughing, probably crying but all in joy. 

Then I go home fresh from it and work on that Valentines Letter that I know some of you guys have been waiting for.  When it's done, I'll link it here. Til then, Happy Valentines everyone! :))