So I fasted. Knowing that as I fast and devote myself even more in prayer, I will be able to hear from God more clearly. That as I get deeper into His presence as I read Scripture, I will hear His voice. For Christians, as a sheep who knows the sound of its' shepherds voice, I was eager to hear. Eager to have my eyes and my heart opened to what the Father has in store for me. Eager to follow. Eager to obey.
Yet what do you do when all that you get in all the seeking is silence? Silence so deafening. So unsettling. That's what I got. After hearing so clearly from Him through the preached Word during Sunday services week in and week out, when Scripture spoke to me so clearly, when Christian counsel was so encouraging and confirmed a lot of what I already knew that God spoke to me in my quiet times. Suddenly, everything was falling slowly into place. Piece by piece, things started to make sense. And then suddenly this. Wouldn't you struggle to make sense of utter silence? From the One who we know has all the answers. Yet nope. Not even a whisper.
Until I learned. God always makes me learn. I bet He smiles as slowly I am getting that even in His silence, He is there. He is teaching me that though I will not get the answers right away, though He may never answer the way I would want him to, the point in all of this journey is to TRUST. To trust in the God who knows the beginning and the end. To rest knowing that God sees me. In my frustration. In my distress. To understand that just like David, He will not call me to battle unprepared. That though He has already called me, He will make sure I am ready. Ready for the greatness He has in store for me and the people He will entrust to me.
Dear Jesus, how sweet it is to walk with You. In your clarity and in your silence I rejoice. I am honored to be Your child. For I know You will not withhold any good thing from me because You love me too much. yet in your abundance of love, You will also not give what will harm me. You know me better than I know myself. For you formed me in my mother's womb, you have already set my days before me. In my confusion, I cling to You father. You are more than enough. Meeting you in this silence, I thank you. I would want to be in the center of Your will even if it's in silence than to be elsewhere. I will continue to hope. No longer in the answers but in You who is more than enough. Always.
"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God Than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, How blessed is the man who trusts in You!" Psalm 84:10-12
