Teach Me How to Love

Some of you (specially if you've been a friend on my Facebook since 2012), probably know that I wrote a valentines letter to God knows who last year. I promised that I would be writing a letter to that person every Valentines. Well I remembered that promise. I am a person who keeps her promises. When I know I can't, I don't. Most probably because I myself, don't like it when people get my hopes up and don't see them through.

To be honest though, I didn't feel like writing that love letter last week. Then again, I've been learning that commitments should not be based on my feelings alone. That I want to be a woman who is able to put to the plate what she said she would; but I guess this year's letter is still in the making since God has been teaching me something else.

This entry is still on the area of love but something beyond the romantic, lovey dovey, overly commercialized one that we experienced last week. DISCLAIMER 1: Please don't expect that this entry will be one of those. For those who read this because that's what you thought this was, I won't apologize but I will pray that you continue to read this. DISCLAIMER 2: It's quite lengthy and again I won't apologize for it encapsulates everything that I have learned on the area as of the moment. Better than a few measly sentences I suppose. Now that I'm done with warning you, let's get down to business.

The past few days, God has dealt with me in many areas of love but one stood out the most. One of which is TO LOVE KEEPING NO RECORD OF WRONGS, as found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  If we continue to the first part of verse 8 which says Love never fails. This verse was what God used to save me back in 2009. If I used this as a checklist, I would have scored well close to ZERO.

This is when I learned that I didn't know how to love at all and I shouldn't be in a relationship because of it. I learned that since I didn't know how to love (until I have a better and fuller understanding of it), I have no business experimenting and committing trial and error with it. I don't know why though that even if this was a famous line in "A Walk To Remember" (which used to be one of my favorite movies growing up); it just never really rang a bell. It was just for me, that. A line. A very cheesy one for that matter. I never knew it would hold so much meaning to me in the years to come.

A few days prior to Valentines Day, I hurt a person I love most in this world, because of something I remembered from my childhood. I cried while hurting the person, I cried after hurting that person, and I cried while repenting and asking for forgiveness from God and that person. I even cried when that person forgave me. I cried with tears of joy praising the Lord.

Anyway by 2013, I really thought I knew how to love more, but learned through that very real and recent experience; that I didn't. I JUST DIDN'T. At least not by Jesus' standards. That I have such a long way to go but at least I'm getting there. During that time, I ran to God and seeked him. Asked him to search my heart and help me. To save me once again and to teach me how to love. The way He loved me, the way He still loves me, the way that He will always love me.

The following things are what I learned as God taught me how to love after much prayer and reading of Scripture. Some of you know that I have been re-reading John and though I've read it a few times already, I am in awe and feel deeply moved at how Jesus loves us as written here, far more than what 1 Corinthians could explain to me. There are other verses that I have encountered as I asked God to mentor me on LOVING 101.

Ressa's Crash Course on Loving (Jesus' Way since my way has always FAILED):

1. Love is a command by no other than Jesus. You don't believe me? Well I didn't believe it myself at first glance.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

Back in September 2009, I accepted Jesus as my Savior because I needed someone to save me. Big time. As time went by, I came to recognize that I didn't just needed and wanted him to save me, but I needed and wanted him to be my Lord. That though for a control freak like me, was a difficult one. Little by little, year by year, I learned to let go of different areas of my life e.g. my love life, career life, family life (all things that if I had it my way, I would like to have control of).

Having come to terms with that, I learned that I should love others not because I'm a good person, or not because I have a big heart, or because that person is so lovable. Most of the time, the Lord asks me to love the most unlovable ones. Yet it becomes easy when you know that you don't have to love with your own love but with His.

2. Love is something that in God's eyes is so great that he made it a foundation for friendship.

^" Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:13-15

That when He chose to die on the cross for us, He did it because we were His friends. Not so that we would be indebted to him for saving us for the rest of our lives, or that we would be enslaved and forced to love him; rather, that He is asking us to partner with Him in loving others. That He would like to impart what He has learned from our Father to us. Now isn't that amazing? How unselfish of Jesus, another character that is so unlike us.

3. Love is a choice; and again, A COMMAND.

¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.

I always thought that I chose Jesus but I learned as a baby Christian that it was not something that I could choose on my own. Back during my college years, I really wanted a relationship with the Lord yet it just didn't happen when I wanted it or how I wanted it. Only to find out that it would but in His time and in His way. Sometimes I forget though. I become conceited, I become self righteous. That's when God has to teach me yet again how to LOVE. All the time when I forget unintentionally or intentionally or when I diagnose myself with selective amnesia, God finds a way to remind me why I was saved in the first place and that is to bear fruit that will last.

4. Love is deep. So deep that it covers over a multitude of sins.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

 "Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs." Proverbs 10:12

You know the saying that one can forgive but can't forget? Well I do, because I have lived by that thought. It was my mantra against those who have hurt me in some way prior to being Christian. Sometimes as shameful it may be for me to admit, it still finds it's way into my life and creeps in hmmm as of like a few weeks ago? So going back to the introduction of this entry, which inspired this entry in the first place, this is where I was deeply corrected and came out very humbled.

You know how we have this inclination to point fingers? To start blaming others when things fall apart? (Ooohhh Chinua Achebe right there) Well it's the easiest thing to do. Somehow it boosts our egos, or gives us this feeling of righteousness when we are able to point out other people's mistakes. When we rub it in their faces and we expect a certain instant gratification from doing so.

Well it didn't happen that way for me a few weeks back. Right after I did that to someone who I claimed to love most in this world, right at that very moment, I was in tears. I wondered to myself "Oh no? What did I just do? Where did that come from? Here I am thinking I know how to love but I'm such an ugly person inside."

The next day, I repented and really asked the Lord to search my heart. To help me get the roots of hurt, bitterness, anger out. Amazingly in the few days to come as I humbled myself to the Lord, He has helped me understand that his love for that person I hurt so much is someone that He loves a lot too, that whatever mistakes that person made was something that He CHOSE TO FORGIVE AND FORGET, and that His love was so great that He chose to die for her too.

That's when I learned that when you love someone deeply, as much as God has, that deep love will be able to cover a multitude of errors, a multitude of hurt; and that you must bring yourself by the help of God's grace to FORGIVE AND FORGET. On my own, I recognized that I couldn't do it, and God did it for me. All I had to do was to surrender and obey.

As what I read recently from one insightful person, "We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive."

4. Love is an ACT, it must be SINCERE, it must be DEVOTED, it must be HONORING.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

To bring things to a close because I didn't think it would come to be as lengthy as this, I learned that love is not something that can be just shown every Valentines. Love should not be haphazardly thrown around by saying a mere "I love you." It should not be sincere sometimes, but ALWAYS. That when we love others, we should hate what is evil and celebrate what is good, we should be DEVOTED to one another, not just our partner but our parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, mentors, househelp, and even to our enemies.

Lastly, is that love should bring honor to others and not tear them down. Love is something above ourselves. God is love. Now going back to my 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, at least I got some down. I declare all my points for God on this one :))