3 Months After Getting Mugged in Japan, Losing my Grandfather, Moving to A New Apartment, I WRITE AGAIN

So here I am, needing to pack but haven't done any of that yet. Thinking of what to do first. Realizing this was the same predicament I had 3 months ago when I learned I needed to leave Japan because my grandfather or Tatay as we fondly called him, passed away.

That flight, was the first time of going back home that I was not at all elated. I haven't seen my mother in a year since I left for the Land of the Rising Sun, but I wasn't even excited for that. I cried the night before, I cried the morning I dragged myself to the airport, conditioning myself that once I land in the Philippines I needed to be strong for my mom, my sisters and for the rest of my family. 

When I learned about Tatay's conditon, that was the day I was supposed to go to the Chiba police for another round of interrogation and police sketch of my attacker. To be honest, I contemplated about going in again because I could no longer recall anymore information that I haven't already told them. I mean I've exhausted in much detail to the best of my ability all that I knew during the initial 3 hours of CSI and interrogation we did in the winter cold. As well as another round of questioning and re-enactment the day after.

To cut that short but for you all to get the gist here are some photos which I sent my company that night as proof so they'd understand if I was sort of out of it when I reported to work that day with only 3hrs of sleep in.

Seriously, I went through a lot. From shock to denial, to acceptance that yes I got mugged in what is considered as one of the safest countries in Asia. Shock to denial to acceptance of how stressful it is to be involved in a criminal case in a country I could not speak the language in. I would wear running shoes to work so I could run from the train station to my house (since my mugger has not been caught and since I fought back by kicking his motorcycle twice to fight for my Gaijin card and passport, I was fearful he would come back.)

The ironic thing was I never cried when I got mugged. I only broke down when people at church showed me so much love and concern. I remember going one Sunday and asking for only one thing which was for my peace and joy to be restored. I have always been a smiling person. I loved Japan from the day I stepped foot in it and I was not going to leave the country with such bad memory.

I knew that "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 and all I knew was I had to cling on all the more to the Lord for my peace and joy to come back.

Just when I thought I was getting my footing back, exactly 2 weeks from getting mugged, I learned that my Tatay was in critical condition I broke down in tears but still went to work praying he'd be OK. After 24hours, he passed. My only consolation amidst all of my tears was that years ago, my Tatay like me accepted Christ as his personal Lord and Savior and that he is no longer suffering.

So another round of shock to denial to acceptance that my grandfather passed away. Again, when I learned about the news, I cried myself to sleep. I was only able to sleep when I prayed. Woke up the next day to work and booked the first flight out of Japan the next morning.

Fast forward to coming back to Japan after much needed time with family as we coped with the loss of my grandfather together; I was faced with having to clean my apartment out so I could move into a new apartment which I fought hard for due to my safety. 

I honestly was glad to have been with family yet I felt defeated. Defeated enough to even want to stay at the place where I got mugged. Filled with so much exhaustion both emotionally, physically and spiritually. Yet I knew I had to move on. Move forward. That it wasn't where God wanted me to be more so, to remain in. (Another blog entry will be for the answered prayer of my apartment and and another answered prayer in the people God used to help me gain back my peace, joy and security.)

A lot of people think that as a Christian we're exempted from all pain. Being a Christian doesn't work that way. It's not like in Monopoly where we get a free pass before we go to jail or become a millionaire. Not at all. If that was the case then I shouldn't have experienced all of that. I should have been the last person to have been mugged or have lost a loved one. I know I got through it because of Him. Only by His grace, His strength, His love and His peace.

1 Peter 1:7 "These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Now I really have to pack. My flight's in a few hours and this time no more tears. Only happy tears. 'Til next blog! 

Of Weddings and being a Maid of Honor on Valentines Day 2014: God's faithfulness

Today, we celebrate the wedding of both Froi2x and Geri. Personally, I am just so blessed to see how much God has been faithful in both of your single lives and now as a newly-wed couple. 

Socrates once said, “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, twice blessed you will be. If you get a bad wife, you’ll become a philosopher.” HAHA J Good thing Froi for you, you have found a good wife in Geri. I pray for twice the blessings that only the Lord can provide the two of you and your future family.

Pero that doesn’t mean na si Froi lang ang nakakuha ug good and perfect gift, let’s be fair. To let you in on a little secret, a few years back when Froi2x was not yet in the picture, kani si Geri worried kaayo ko for her.  When we would shop for our Godson’s gift together, I would tell her “Huy Ge, help me out.” She’d say “Uhm ok ra na Res, ikaw ra bahala. Tawagi ra ko pag mubayad na. ” Iya ra ko pasagdaan. Then I seriously told her, “Ge, dili pwede. You need to learn about these things. Unsa ang good bottles and not. Unsa ang BPA-free, etc. You have to know these things.” Geri would say “Parehas kayo ni Karen. She’s telling me to learn how to cook. Para maging blessing daw ako sa mapapangasawa ko. Pero ok lang yan. Wag kayo mag-alala. Bat ba mas nag-aalala kayo kesa sakin?” 

I told her, “Geri, we will not be together forever. What if you have your first baby what would you do? Come here, turuan kita.” Geri’s reply: “Simple. I will call you. Diba Res, what are friends for?”

I am sharing this to let everyone know that even during those times, the Lord has kept Geri at peace and confident. Kaya pala ganon na lang ang confidence niya, it’s because God provided those exact things in Froi. God knew what would be a suitable partner for her someday. Froi who is very detailed, knows what to look for when shopping, and cooks for Geri, indeed you are a good and perfect gift for her too. Kaya Ma, I can breathe na. Knowing that you are in good hands. Plus mahal man ang long distance from Hong Kong so thank God for Froi2x. Froi, akong mama ikaw na bahala a? Love her as Isaac loved Rebekah. Geri, be of comfort and encouragement to Froi your husband. 

They say a wedding is one thing. A marriage is something else entirely. But based on the preparation that the Lord has subjected you both not only for this day but the rest of your days together, I know you guys will be more than okay. I put my confidence, not in the two of you but the God who has brought you together. May you always remember Him who has been so faithful in your lives as singles, as an engaged couple, and your future life together. Know that both of your families, closest friends, as well as your spiritual family from Dumaguete, Cebu, and Hong Kong we all share in your joy today and we will continue to cover you both in prayers. I don't want to leave out Mamang because I know she is rejoicing with us. So happy that we are all here today to celebrate your marriage. 

And as your Maid of Honor, thank you for letting me be a part of this glorious wedding. I now understand why it is such an honor to be one. There is no better place to be this Valentines Day. I love you both.   

On choosing to love.. As He chose to love us.

Wow it's 2014! Nope this isn't my annual Valentines Letter to God knows who yet. It's just a spur of the moment blog on some thoughts.

So lately I've been so busy. Yes with my sisters and ministry but more on helping in the preparations of one of my closest friend's wedding which happens tomorrow. 

Being with the bride while meeting her suppliers over the past months, dealing with the stress alongside her and her groom, and rejoicing in the joy they're experiencing as the day nears got me thinking. Yes about marriage and love in general.

A lot of people involved in the wedding preparations have said to me, "Grabe noh? Maid of Honor ka pero parang coordinator ka na rin. Na-apil pud kag kastress. Ikaw, kelan ba yung sayo?" I'd laugh and say "Oh don't worry. You'll definitely know. Kasi icocopy paste ko lang tong lahat ng preparations for Geri's wedding when that happens. That is if the husband agrees and if the husband (Piolo) finally finds out. HAHA" 

Seriously, I find it amusing that I can be in high spirits and so humorous when I respond that way. Perhaps because I know that it's all in God's good timing and when it happens for me, all Glory goes to Him. If you were to ask me if I would be ready to get married if someone proposed to me tomorrow, I'd say of course not. You see, saying YES to such a life changing event bares the responsibility that will affect not only you and that man but the generation that follows in that marriage. Then again, nobody is every fully ready until it happens. So this waiting period which others dread, I consider it God's grace. His grace of preparation until that time comes. Until that person comes.

Many of you know that I drive. Last year, during a flesh and spirit battle I had to basically pull over to the side of the national highway as I drove myself home. In tears I cried out to God and said this prayer "Lord I will let go. Not because I find it easy but because I know you have a great plan for me. I know I deserve someone who will choose me. Not confused. Not playing it safe but someone who will choose me the way You chose me. Who will see me and know I'm his. The way You saw me and just knew. Someone who will take a risk with me the way You took a risk with me many years ago knowing full well that I may not even accept You, but you still risked it all for me. Because I am worth it."

Many people think that when they get saved, it's because they chose God. But when I came to know Christ, I knew it wasn't me. Because if my salvation was something I could do for myself, then when I feel like turning my back on God and I just don't want any of this Christianity thing anymore, then I can take matters into my own hands and unsave myself. But I did play a role. I accepted the invitation. Even Scripture backs this up in John 15:16 Jesus says “You did not choose Me but I chose you.” 

Tomorrow I will be witnessing two people exchange their vows. Two people who CHOSE each other as God chose them to be a part of His family. Tomorrow I will be smiling, laughing, probably crying but all in joy. 

Then I go home fresh from it and work on that Valentines Letter that I know some of you guys have been waiting for.  When it's done, I'll link it here. Til then, Happy Valentines everyone! :))

A very late Valentines letter for 2013 in time for Halloween

Dearest,

Sorry for the delay. For some reason it's been taking me longer than usual to write to you this year's Valentines letter. I can tell you that I've been busy, life has been crazy lately, I haven't had the time but these will all end up as EXCUSES. Rather, I'd like to say that I couldn't write one yet because God has been teaching me a lot about myself and you lately. Perhaps because almost everyday I've written shorter but heartfelt notes for you in my Moleskine.

Enough for that disclaimer. I want to ask about you? How have you been the past year? I hope you've been healthy, full of joy and at peace with all that this world has thrown at you. I guess I have this feeling that no matter how much you smile, how strong you appear to be, how perfect others may think your life is, you somehow at some point, also end up like me. Sick, tired, and even lonesome at times. I just pray that the Lord has been there with you, healing you, comforting you, encouraging you, and reminding you of how loved and valued you are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this year, for me it hasn't been all that great but because of it, I got to spend more time with the Lord. More time just enjoying Him, more time just trusting him, and more time seeking Him in all areas of my life. This year, though it has kind of been tough on me, I praise God for it. It is in this time that he has brought Truth and light into areas in my life that have been left untouched. It's also in this year that He's developed my faith further and brought it to greater heights. 

It's funny how I know that life could have been worse if not for me encountering a personal Jesus many years ago. I know that no matter how hard life gets, I'll be fine. Not always rainbows and birds chirping, but in the end I will be okay knowing I have my Lord God with me. In front of me, leading me when I don't know where or how to go about things, beside me when I need a shoulder to cry on and happens to be alone, behind me pushing me forward when I can't push myself out there anymore. I pray that you encounter the very same personal Jesus that I have on a daily basis. He'll get you through life's curve balls.

You know it's in this year that I in all honesty realized, it can get lonely at times. There I said it. The bus rides to far places that make me pray to God for protection and company, that make me mumble to God in prayer that next time, I have you traveling beside me. Walking the streets at night and admitting that it'd be nice to have someone walk with me some time. The coffee or meals shared with no one. Admitting this is kind of hard for me, because all of these things that I used to have no qualms with doing alone and enjoyed, well now they kind of bother me. I realized that I long to share more of my heart and life with someone, to be pursued, to be fought for, to be taken a risk on just as Christ did not being sure whether we'd accept Him in the end.

Just so you'd understand, I think it was in 2011 that I honestly asked God to hide me. Like really hide me. I got tired of the emotional highs and lows that I've been getting from some guys and told God I'll busy myself in Him, ministry, family, household, friends, travel and work. I prayed for Him to protect me and ward off men not from Him and that I didn't want to have anything to do with it unless it is already the man from His hand.

It was in this year however that I had my chances with others but chose to stay firm knowing that the Lord has you waiting in faith for me too. I'm sorry for the times I may have wavered, for the days that I have felt like giving up on praying for you. Rest assured though that the Lord has dealt with me on all of these things. That He has taught me how to have more persistence, determination, patience, faith, self discipline, and selflessness as I wait for you. Thank God for His word and His people that keep me going in the right direction and calls my attention when I'm about to cave in again. I pray that you have these too.

At the end of the day, I remember the words of Bruce Cockburn, "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight." Know that I will fight this fight of faith for you because God has reminded me time and time again that YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

So hang in there okay? Keep me in your prayers. Know that you're not alone in this fight of faith. 

'Til God leads me to you,

Ressa

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he has promised." Romans 4:20-21