Ressa Do You Love Me?|Not Yet the 2021 Valentines Letter But Getting There

Most of the time, I try to start coming up with the words to write my love letter to God knows who before Valentines so I could schedule its release on the dot since I know many of my followers look out for it. Every. Year. Though this time exactly 12 years after I wrote my first one, I seem to have encountered a writer's block. 

Probably because this year, I AM GOING BACK TO THE VINE. The ONLY TRUE LOVER OF MY SOUL. The ONE WHO SAW ME MANY YEARS AGO. The ONE THAT CHOSE ME. The ONE THAT UPON SEEING ME, SMILED AND SAID, YOU RESSA, ARE MINE. The ONE WHO CHOOSES ME, YET AGAIN, EACH AND EVERY TIME. The ONE WHO TRULY DELIGHTS IN ME.

Lately, I have been busy with my quiet times and focusing on my prayer life. Praying not only for myself but the burdens God has given me. Mostly for my family, colleagues, and ministry, church family that he prompts me to reach out to to help build His church. Letting the Holy Spirit guide me in who to grasp in back to the Vine. Recalling and thanking the people I have walked with and who have been a tremendous reason as to why I am still walking in Christ. Being the kind of daughter and follower of Christ he commissioned me to be. 

Just like the bride that was found without oil when the master came, I don't want to be found sleeping, empty and unprepared. The master then said, "I DO NOT KNOW YOU." I desire to be the bride brimming with oil. Always ready to meet Him when He comes. READ Matthew 25:1-13. 

Sometimes I ask God why some prayers have been left still yet unanswered. Do I not love Him enough? Do I not read my Bible enough? Have I not served enough? Have I not poured into the lives of others enough? Have I not suffered enough? Have I not cried out to Him in the depths of my heart enough?

Then He answered. In the depths and quietness of dawn, He has answered. Like He always does and will continue to do so. 

He answered me in John 21:15-19 when Jesus, the God of the new testament reinstated Peter. He earnestly asked him if he loved him, 3 times. On the third time that Christ queried and looked earnestly into Simon Peter's heart, Simon started to feel bad and probably borderline annoyed, said "Yes Lord, You know all things, you know that I love you." Yet Christ seals the conversation with, "THEN FEED MY SHEEP." What then is the take away from this? If we love God the way we proclaim we do, then we MUST TAKE CARE OF AND FEED THE FLOCK. 

I guess this spoke a lot to me. If many of you know my walk, I have been serving as a young professional leader in our church both in Victory Dumaguete and Every Nation Tokyo Shibuya for the past 12 years since I got to know and accept Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

I served alongside great men and women in the church, most of them have been called into different seasons and locations in life. I only have a few left proximity wise. I have gone through transition upon transition. Pouring into the lives of others only to have to be asked by God to let go. Painstakingly and bittersweetly let go and go through the grueling process of building new relationships, not knowing when God will say yet again, "OK RESSA, GIVE IT TO ME. LET GO." As He pries away my clenched fist, removing each finger as I struggled, wrestled, and begged to keep these relationships with me. 

I thought that like other leaders that get called to other churches in other countries, observing how they would take a transition or warming up of 1-2years to get back to connecting and leading in their new home churches again would also happen to me, but nope. God wouldn't have it. It happened to most but not me. Knowing that just like Paul I was commissioned to go to different churches upon arrival in Japan, to serve, encourage, comfort, build up the 2 churches He called me to go to, I basically had no break in my leadership walk. 

It was only when I returned from Japan for good in 2017, that I finally took a much needed break from everything, and got some rest. Reconnecting with family and friends. Focusing on taking off where I left off before leaving for Japan. 

However, those years were in all honesty, not the best years of both my spiritual and personal life. Being in between jobs, breaking my leg, pandemic. The past 2 years not intentionally though, as time and circumstances forced me to take a break; but hey it is what it is and much needed if I must say so myself. Still utterly grateful for the season that was.

In the midst of all this resting, I guess God slowly tugged at my heart, "Ressa, do you love me?" Like Peter I answered, "Oh come on Lord, you know I do." so God leaves me with, "Then you know what to do. Done deal." 

2021 and the years ahead will be the best of my years. I just know it. 

As for this year's Valentines letter to God knows who? ABANGAN. It will be raw, and just like any good and perfect gift from the Lord, it will be one of the best letters yet.