Oh Daughter of Eve | Embrace Being a Woman

The other day a good friend of mine surprised me. I was reading or probably staring into oblivion and someone back-hugged me and it truly made my day. You know the kind that you thought only happens in K-dramas. Now before any of my avid readers squeal with glee, it's not what you think. Prayers pa more for me to ever publish THE ONE here. That blog already has a draft and a working title of TOTGA: The One That God Allowed. Not today though, not today. 

Going back to the other day. I usually don't like surprises. That's why in any given establishment, I always have to face the door. Specially if I'm with my siblings or lady friends. I am always alert. If there is any danger coming toward, like water about to be spilled, I will be the first to guard and shield you from it.

You will only see me seated with my back to the door if: 1. I am with my father. 2. I am with a male relative or friend that I trust my life with. 3. I am with that person that God allowed.

It can be tiresome at times. To be both woman and man in a world that requires it. We live in a world where some fathers are abroad leaving their wives and children fatherless and needing to grow up and fend for themselves. If you never experienced this, good for you. Thank God for having that solid male presence in your life growing up.

However, the realization that women are privileged enough to receive hugs and reciprocate is something that we women should relish in. It is something that not even men can have. I mean you hardly see a man hug or touch a fellow man. Specially in our society that manning up is so well praised.

Yet I do admire men who are expressive, who let people in. Men who unlike most, do welcome correction and guidance. Specially when you see how they are towards their mothers and sisters. Who are gentle with children and babies. I do notice these things and I do take note. How you are to the women in your nuclear family will be how you are to me and those important to me.

I do also admire men who are cautious and mindful of their actions and are clear with their intentions. Who know when to extend a gentlemanly gesture and when to hold back to protect myself or a friend. Now don't get me wrong, I come from a family of huggers. We are very Western that way. I find holding hands and a quick or tight long hug with family and close friends a norm.

I do however try to keep this warmth to fellow ladies as it may give other people the wrong message. Specially men. I remember an instance when a guy from church confessed that he liked me and that he thought I liked him too. 

When I asked why, he said because every Sunday or every fellowship I would smile at him and at times tap his shoulder ever so quickly to give him his share of snacks. Which shocked me. I am an usher and Kids Church teacher so we always have this motto, give your best smile. Keep your energy up. Whatever it takes.

Being warm is a good thing. Yet it can also very easily, get so misconstrued. Several Sundays after that shocking revelation, I would control my smile and my good friend Neil approaches me, and says "Huy Res, are you okay? Why are you frowning? There are church attendees coming in, best smile diba?" and I quickly told him the matter at hand in a hushed and muttered breath that he needed to cover me so I can smile and not make that guy fall even further. Though here's the thing. It takes 2 to tango. Men need to protect women. Women need to protect men. 

To be honest, not being able to smile killed me inside. Dramatic I know. Yet not giving my brightest smile, is just not me. I always faced life with a smile. I always smiled. I smiled even if my life was falling apart. I smiled even if it was only God and my closest siblings in Christ that knew I was truly devastated. 

Oh daughter of Eve, don't ever be afraid to smile. Don't ever be afraid to show warmth. Don't ever be afraid to shed a tear because that is how God made you to be. Let the right people in. The right ones will know how to keep you smiling, or how to bring it back. The right ones will know when it's also not genuine. The right ones will know how to cry with you. The right ones will cheer you on and will know how best to let you grow to become the woman He has called you to be.

        

                                        "You are altogether beautiful, my love;
                                                        there is no flaw in you."   

                                                          Song of Solomon 4:7

When God Whispers | Peace Over Anxiety | Unveiling Plans

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. (I mean what's new?) But more than thinking, I've been doing a lot of praying and a lot of seeking. I've been shutting out some noise to make sure I am still keen to hearing His voice. 

Recently I have been having mini-bouts of anxiety. Which I notice dwindles down right when I spend time away from everything and just really dig deep into my quiet times. 

When I'm quiet, it usually means three things. 1. I am observing. 2. I am reflecting. 3. I am praying. Now, what exactly do I observe, reflect on and what do I pray for? My surroundings, the people in my direct line of sight, the people that I'm not even looking at, my responses to these people and my environment. Are my responses right, are they wrong, are they wise. 

Now don't get me wrong. I don't always do this. There are also many times I plainly zone out. Aisha, a good friend of mine and I confirmed that at times, we process things a little differently than others. Sometimes we process our thoughts and our emotions in an instant, but most of the time we process things within a 24-48 hr. time frame. Just like businesses. Usually it is during this time frame that we hear God whisper. We read the Word. We repent. We apply. 

I have come to realize that the anxiety and worries of this world all fade away the closer I get to the Lord. Likewise, when I am far from the Lord, the more anxious and worried about the most minute things that I get. I have learned to take breathers, I learned to park things, no matter how short or long of a time that may entail. I've learned to toss things Up to the One who actually knows and has the power to do something about things I can no longer carry on my own.

Whenever I do this, everything seems futile. So tiny and insignificant when pitted against my One, True, Love. The greatest man in my life, my Abba Father. 

It seems that due to the Valentines hurly burly, a lot of people, myself included have been hungover about relationships; but my focus is more on the relationships that molded me. My immediate family, my church family, colleagues, past hurts, and all others. 

I had my quiet time early Sunday morning and it was in Amos 3:3 and 3:7.

Though I understand that this verse is commonly used during weddings or couple anniversaries, these verses spoke to me differently. 

It told me that in a family, a church setting, or even in the office and among friend circles, this is how it works. It all boils down to TWO PEOPLE WHO AGREE TO WALK IN THE LORD and the assurance that GOD WILL UNVEIL HIS PLANS TO HIS SERVANTS AND PROPHETS little by little. 

Little by little. He doesn't just lays down everything for us. He will however pave the path for us LITTLE BY LITTLE. Just enough wisdom and hope to go on. To continue pressing on, but it is up to Him WHEN AND IF He will tell us His plans. We have to trust though that He will and that even when He doesn't, He is still a good, good Father.

Sometimes my anxiety boils down to the millenial thoughts of I DESIRE THIS. I WANT THIS. I DESERVE THIS. GIVE IT TO ME NOW. Often times, that's when the rifts between people we are in relation with parents-child, boss-employee, siblings, friends, customer-waiter happens and more often than not, when things are fueled by anxiety and this immediate rush, things end up failing. We say and do things we shouldn't have. We often end up regretting the hasty and harsh words that came out of our mouths and the actions that followed right after.

Yesterday's preaching cemented this early Sunday quiet time in reminding me that UNITY IS OF THE ESSENCE. We have to see eye to eye. Perhaps not always and not on everything, but we must be united on the core things and during crucial times, so that the Glory of God radiates and pours out in overflow to our surroundings. 

I can write so much more about the whispers of God. I probably would, but for now.. Lunch. And yes, naa siyay kalamunggay. HAHAHA

I leave you with this and I pray that it helps you deal with this Manic Monday and the rest of the week.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

2021 Valentines Letter| Not To You But To the People Who's Loved Me Before You | A Lifelong Love Letter

Dear You,

I'm sorry this year's letter came out a few days late but better late than never right? I just wanted to really know what to put out there this year before I put everything down to be forever immortalized on the worldwideweb.

On February 14, 2021, I had a lot of realizations and thanksgiving. I remembered all the times why Valentines wasn't really lonely and why it was easier to bear during the past years. It is good to post memories on Facebook because it reminds me of the people who kept me together and how God has been so good in loving me all this time.

Every valentines day for the past year, we would always have dinner with my dad and my siblings. We would always have that time blocked out. A few years before this pandemic hit, my dad would tell me "Una na kami." I would walk with them to the parking lot and he would quip, "You have the car. Stay. Ngano man ka gasunod2x namo." and I replied, "Well I'm good for today. I'm tired and I want to go home with you guys magKaraoke mi sa kids." Then I realized that a few years prior to this, I would always have a Young Professionals/Singles dinner with Geri, Tina and Karen right after dating my family.

Prior to getting to church on Sunday, I enjoyed a quiet car ride with my dad. Who was fixing my car in wee hours of the morning but not saying a word to urge me to drive again. I guess He finally understood why I loved car rides with him so much.

I arrived in church with people wanting to hug me but we had to settle for air hugs. If my memory serves me right, it was exactly a year since I stepped foot in church and worshipped the way I did due to this pandemic. 

Jumping up and down while singing, I recalled how it would either be Geri, Karen or Tina who would save me a seat or text, "Naa na ka? Naa na ko. See you!". The same ladies that would jump with me and sing our hearts out, and I said to myself, thank You Lord now I have AnnChie on my left who booked our seats online for us and Kim on my right who would message, "Naa na ka? Naa na ko." very excited to attend the service with. Though keeping them at a good distance to observe protocol, I felt warm.

Then I go on to thank God for the life He's given me and for healing my leg and my heart. That I could actually jump high and worship Him singing at the top of my lungs, unabandoned since my accident.

After the service, as always, the issue would be where to eat. The entire process of "Asa, tagpila, muapas ra ko." in Junrey, Brylle, Brent and Neil reminded me of just like how it was back in the days with Sam, Curt, Juan and the other YP men I used to walk with who always made sure that the ladies would be safe and taken cared of.

In AnnChie, I saw Tina the dancer and my constant food and gym buddy (Sugdan na lagi ang oval balik lagi.). In Kim, Laine, and Guafani, I saw Karen the quiet one but quips with wisdom and punchliners but always the ok one, and in Sashi I saw Geri, my better half who drove for the ladies and who would help me rally the ladies and would give tough love but always in love and gentleness.

In the thoughtfulness and mentoring of ate Rianne and leadership of kuya Archie, I saw ate RJ and kuya Migz. 

Lord, I just want to thank You for giving me my family both in and out of the church. For filling my days up to Valentines this year, with so much love and surprises. You have taught me and kept me clinging to You for the past years. You have fixed relational matters in my life. You have dealt with issues of the past and made me who I am today. You have worked the deep works in me. You have given me old and new people to be an extension of your love for me and for that, I cannot ask for more.

Thank you for all Your love my Abba Father. To many more Heart Days with you!

Always,

Ressa

P.S. To whoever you are that I have been writing to the past years, sorry that this letter didn't turn out to be about you. Meet my family! I pray that your family has been keeping you company and growing strong in the faith these years! See you soonest! <3

"We love because You first loved us." 1 John 4:19

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. For if one falls down, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to help him up!" Matthew 18:19-20

"For when two or three are gathered in Your name, there your presence is with them." Matthew 18:20

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

    Today, this song rings differently this time. Thank You for choosing me even when You weren't sure if I'd choose You. Thank You Father for choosing and placing me in this family.

THE GOD OF SURPRISES | The God Who Sees | An Almost Love Letter But Not Quite

Having trouble sleeping yet again. Probably because I am too overwhelmed with all the love today. I woke up not knowing that the rest of my day would be filled with so many surprises and so much love.

I look at the date and see that it is still 4 days until Valentines and remembered that I should be writing a love letter again to God knows who for the nth time, but I haven't thought of anything to write so I'll just tell you how much my God loves me.

My love language isn't really much into gifts. My giving language is quality time tied with acts of service; words of affirmation, touch and gifts triple tied if there is such a term.

Receiving love however varies a little bit with gifts being the very last. I wasn't that surprised. You see, I am not really into receiving. I am more of a giver. My time, my heart, my actions, a hug or a pat on the shoulder or a held hand, I easily give. It comes as second nature to me. I have a hard time asking for and receiving material things. 

I don't know if it has something to do with being the eldest or perhaps it's a complex of mine. I also used to hate surprises, to a flaw. I have a type A personality. Needing to know what, when, how and why all the time.

Today however, God surprised me twice. I wanted to get coffee but before I could even leave my seat, my colleague placed an iced coffee on my table saying "Gipahatag ni Arrah." which in Visayan means, it was being given by Arrah. I jumped up, smiled and was just filled with so much joy. I think more than the coffee in my favorite flavor, it made me feel thought of. Like someone has seen me. Someone who knew even the smallest details that could make me smile. 

Later in the afternoon, upon coming home, I saw a package but ignored it. Thinking it was probably for my sisters since I didn't order anything. I also wasn't expecting anything since I've ordered way too much the past months. Then when I took a closer look at the parcel, it was addressed in my name. From a good friend of mine Gracia. Gracia is someone I have only met once in my lifetime, but perhaps it was our same love for God and good books that brought us together and bonded us. She has been my source of books and Bibles for the longest time. Every 3 years I gift my Bible to someone. It is this year that I need to let go of it again. 

Now, the funny thing is that I was the one who asked Gracia for her address last year, remembering her and wanting to send a surprise package anytime within the duration of this year, so it surprised me when she sent me something first considering that the last time she sent me something was in 2019 while I was healing from my accident.

Now to add on to my confusion turned delight, the even stranger thing is that I don't recall sending her my address. The fact that she knew where to send me this gift, the same way that Arrah knew I was still in the office, just when I was about to leave to buy myself coffee, makes me realize that that's how my God is. He knows exactly where I'm at. He knows exactly what my heart needs and most specially what my heart desires even when I don't utter a thing. He just knows. Like how a good and all knowing Father truly knows their child, and is very much eager to give to bring joy to His beloved. 

Gracia also included a note that said, "I remember you liking these books on my wall." I REMEMBER. Those words are enough to get me teary-eyed as I find the right words. HE REMEMBERS. HE NOTICES. HE HEARS. HE SEES US.

Today reminded me of what ate Donna once told me, "You don't have it yet because God knows you don't need it yet. He knows exactly who, when and how to make it come your way." 

So to my ladies, my sisters in Christ who became God's instrument in reminding me of these things, I pray that the Lord will meet you in your needs and your desires as well. I pray that the Lord meets you in your unuttered thoughts and prayers. 

May Proverbs 31:25 forever ring true and exude in your life, "She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

Happy Heart's Day! Your heart is so precious that His Son's own heart stopped beating for you.

Ressa Do You Love Me?|Not Yet the 2021 Valentines Letter But Getting There

Most of the time, I try to start coming up with the words to write my love letter to God knows who before Valentines so I could schedule its release on the dot since I know many of my followers look out for it. Every. Year. Though this time exactly 12 years after I wrote my first one, I seem to have encountered a writer's block. 

Probably because this year, I AM GOING BACK TO THE VINE. The ONLY TRUE LOVER OF MY SOUL. The ONE WHO SAW ME MANY YEARS AGO. The ONE THAT CHOSE ME. The ONE THAT UPON SEEING ME, SMILED AND SAID, YOU RESSA, ARE MINE. The ONE WHO CHOOSES ME, YET AGAIN, EACH AND EVERY TIME. The ONE WHO TRULY DELIGHTS IN ME.

Lately, I have been busy with my quiet times and focusing on my prayer life. Praying not only for myself but the burdens God has given me. Mostly for my family, colleagues, and ministry, church family that he prompts me to reach out to to help build His church. Letting the Holy Spirit guide me in who to grasp in back to the Vine. Recalling and thanking the people I have walked with and who have been a tremendous reason as to why I am still walking in Christ. Being the kind of daughter and follower of Christ he commissioned me to be. 

Just like the bride that was found without oil when the master came, I don't want to be found sleeping, empty and unprepared. The master then said, "I DO NOT KNOW YOU." I desire to be the bride brimming with oil. Always ready to meet Him when He comes. READ Matthew 25:1-13. 

Sometimes I ask God why some prayers have been left still yet unanswered. Do I not love Him enough? Do I not read my Bible enough? Have I not served enough? Have I not poured into the lives of others enough? Have I not suffered enough? Have I not cried out to Him in the depths of my heart enough?

Then He answered. In the depths and quietness of dawn, He has answered. Like He always does and will continue to do so. 

He answered me in John 21:15-19 when Jesus, the God of the new testament reinstated Peter. He earnestly asked him if he loved him, 3 times. On the third time that Christ queried and looked earnestly into Simon Peter's heart, Simon started to feel bad and probably borderline annoyed, said "Yes Lord, You know all things, you know that I love you." Yet Christ seals the conversation with, "THEN FEED MY SHEEP." What then is the take away from this? If we love God the way we proclaim we do, then we MUST TAKE CARE OF AND FEED THE FLOCK. 

I guess this spoke a lot to me. If many of you know my walk, I have been serving as a young professional leader in our church both in Victory Dumaguete and Every Nation Tokyo Shibuya for the past 12 years since I got to know and accept Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

I served alongside great men and women in the church, most of them have been called into different seasons and locations in life. I only have a few left proximity wise. I have gone through transition upon transition. Pouring into the lives of others only to have to be asked by God to let go. Painstakingly and bittersweetly let go and go through the grueling process of building new relationships, not knowing when God will say yet again, "OK RESSA, GIVE IT TO ME. LET GO." As He pries away my clenched fist, removing each finger as I struggled, wrestled, and begged to keep these relationships with me. 

I thought that like other leaders that get called to other churches in other countries, observing how they would take a transition or warming up of 1-2years to get back to connecting and leading in their new home churches again would also happen to me, but nope. God wouldn't have it. It happened to most but not me. Knowing that just like Paul I was commissioned to go to different churches upon arrival in Japan, to serve, encourage, comfort, build up the 2 churches He called me to go to, I basically had no break in my leadership walk. 

It was only when I returned from Japan for good in 2017, that I finally took a much needed break from everything, and got some rest. Reconnecting with family and friends. Focusing on taking off where I left off before leaving for Japan. 

However, those years were in all honesty, not the best years of both my spiritual and personal life. Being in between jobs, breaking my leg, pandemic. The past 2 years not intentionally though, as time and circumstances forced me to take a break; but hey it is what it is and much needed if I must say so myself. Still utterly grateful for the season that was.

In the midst of all this resting, I guess God slowly tugged at my heart, "Ressa, do you love me?" Like Peter I answered, "Oh come on Lord, you know I do." so God leaves me with, "Then you know what to do. Done deal." 

2021 and the years ahead will be the best of my years. I just know it. 

As for this year's Valentines letter to God knows who? ABANGAN. It will be raw, and just like any good and perfect gift from the Lord, it will be one of the best letters yet.

What Covid has Stolen from this Generation|YOU ARE WHAT SOMEONE DESPERATELY NEEDS

Sadly, COVID has made us such cold people. In trying to make sure I keep my father, my sisters and my friends with children or babies safe, I hardly touch people; which isn't too hard for me since I got to practice social distancing while I lived in Japan for a year and a half. Who knew that wearing masks and keeping distance would mean so much when we get hit by a pandemic that requires such measures.

Yet looking back, this is probably the exact reason why I decided to come home. I only got hugs on Sundays from church family or when a sneaky student can steal a hug from me at work (which I sheepishly accept with a school manager nodding that it's okay since in Japan, keeping distance is the norm.) 

When I got mugged, I never shed a tear. Not until I was with church family on Sunday and they gave me so much warmth. Not just from Filipino churchmates but from Japanese friends as well.

There were times that my student would have such big problems on their shoulders and it was only through touch, a pat on the back or a quick tap on their hand, that I could be there for them. Then they would translate on their phones that they needed that. That after that class, she was going to jump on the train tracks but because of that hug, it changed her mind. Another student told me he was crying with anxiety due to exams and school demands. Society's expectation to study3x, work3x, earn3x but because of the last tap on the shoulder I gave him before we ended class where I said, "Hey, see you. I'm always glad to see you. I expect you in class next week. Don't do anything stupid." is the reason why he appeared in class again the following week. A hug from my 3 year old when I just lost my grandfather made me grateful for her. She probably thought that she got warmth from her favorite teacher Ressa, but that hug did wonders for a grieving adult who had no family to come home to, to help deal with the grief.

The past year, I kind of felt the same way. In my home country at that, and I hate it. I can't hug people, people can't hug me. In order to protect one another, we have lost that warmth. That connection. Yet I hugged a friend who lost her father during this pandemic because I felt at that time that's what Christ would have wanted me to do for her. We just well didn't breathe during the entire time of the hug. LOL

I mean where do you draw the line between trying to be distant to protect your loved ones and your friends, and being too distant that you end up losing what it means to be human, and being the light that God made you to be during dark times such as these?

I'm currently reading a book by Joena San Diego who I recently found out happens to be a fellow churchmate from Victory Pasig and I quote, "Don't hold back your love from anything you say or do, dear friend, because His love through your life can change the lives of many. YOU ARE WHAT SOMEONE DESPERATELY NEEDS.", emphasis mine. 

1 Corinthians 16:14, "Let all that you do be done in love." Whether it be in a hug or a phone call. Check on your strong friends. Be intentional when you reach out to someone. That though we can't quickly date as much as we wanted to, as often as we're used to, that that person knows that you are still there. Praying for them before they even utter a word.

This year, I want to exude more love and warmth. Who knows, that love will save another struggling soul. The same way it saved mine when I needed it the most. 

Sorry but I Don't Do Coffee Anymore

I never thought I'd live a life where I would ever not be coffee dependent.  You see, If you've known me for quite some time, you'd know I live for coffee. My usual headaches come from not having my daily dose of coffee. A month clear of coffee. Wew!

I don't know. There's something about it. The quietness of having a cup of coffee by myself or the company, good conversations and sometimes the comfortable silence that comes along with drinking coffee with a good friend.

It's true what they say that it takes more or less 21 days to kick a habit and by far, this is probably the only habit I've kicked.

I'm not going to say it wasn't hard. Specially when you smell the brew coming from the person beside you, it's so tempting. I won't say I don't feel like grabbing a cup for myself; but truly the benefits have surely outweighed my choice to distance myself from it.

The past few weeks, I have had no migraines, no heart stopping mimics of what I'd think was a mini heart attack (but was actually acid reflux) and lesser anxiety. I've also lost 6kilos since I decided to stop drinking coffee.

If my memory serves me right, the last one I had was before the wedding that I attended that culminated in my accident. Perhaps knowing that I needed more calcium than caffeine to strengthen my bones, helped me wean myself from it.

So I apologize if I have to decline your coffee invites from now on. I guess we'll just have to check if they have milk, tea, a blueberry cheesecake or a white-cheese brownie for me.

Here's to a year full of breaking habits that will benefit us all in the end! We all know there are some things we can do away with anyway. Learn to let go of them.

For everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.